Til Crimson Falls
by sway-babysway
Summary: This is a trial run, I may or may not discontinue posting depending on feedback. ShaunxAndy pairing, SLASH possibly in the future. Adult/Mature themes. You've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

Tears stung at my eyes, it wasn't the first time I'd felt like this, vehemently sick, throat dry and sore from the argumentative screams. My head was a terrible maze with no easy exit other than death, the blood started to form on the small incision, the only thing in sight was a drawing pin from my notice board and my scissors; those combined with twenty minutes work resulted in the throbbing small mark on my right forearm. I wasn't one to exaggerate but it hurt like hell for something so small, probably only two millimetres or not even that deep and about one centimetre long, but it still hurt, mostly from the repetitive action of dragging the pin across it. Tears began to fall slowly down my cheeks and I let myself loose, I reached over towards my phone hoping for at least one message or a reply from Twitter, nothing, I was alone and a wreck.

I got up and sighed, I had band practise and school today, I had to compose myself, could I though; was the question. Andrew beeped the horn from outside and I trudged out, Bradie looked at me as if realising something was wrong, I dragged the sleeves of my jumper even further down and hopped in the back seat next to him as Andy took us to school. Bradie and I were only in year twelve however Andrew had already left, I sighed and put in my earphones cranking up the volume,  
>"Shaun, Shaun, hello?" Andy waved his hand in front of my face as we pulled up at the stoplights,<br>"WHAT ANDREW?" I shouted and he flinched back stunned,  
>"You just seemed mopey, are you alright?" I smirked and scoffed,<br>"Fan-freaking-tastic," my sarcasm stung the air around us and Bradie tried to look busy instead of making it obvious he was staring at me. I groaned inwardly and heard my stomach rumble, I hadn't felt like eating and since my parents didn't come home last night I wasn't forced to, I ran my fingers through my hair pushing it back off my face and sighed.  
>"You sure you're okay? You seem… sick," Bradie had trouble forming a sentence and I smiled at his naivety to the whole interpretation of my behaviour,<br>"Don't worry about me okay? Worry about yourself, you're more important."


	2. Chapter 2

The tears left wet trails down my face; that was if I let them go. Everyone and everything seemed to be against me in this school, Bradie was on his laptop as was I, but he was actually doing his work, I was distracting myself as much as I could. The teachers stopped me from listening to my music, everyone had slung jokes in science, the emo ones yet again, they hurt; they really did. No one seemed to care, no one ever seemed to care, just one person, one, but he wasn't in this class, wasn't even in this school, he concealed my darkest secret, my cutting, I was amazed he helped, I looked away from my screen and continued to write on my shoe, mainly Donnie Darko quotes, but right in the middle was his name, in purple to. Fuck I carried on so strange, I was gay I'll admit. It was Andy's name I'd written, Andy knew it all. He acted like nothing carried on, Bradie was unaware, always would be. It was terrible of me, telling someone who I was hardly friends with my deepest mystery, Bradie was my best friend and he didn't even know. A scream was building in my throat, a scream that wouldn't escape; tears pricked at my eyes, yet again which wouldn't escape. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out under my desk, I would've used my jumper but it was actually really cold, not to mention my scars would be visible.  
><strong>Shaun, are you okay? You seemed worse this morning than usual<strong> I sighed and hastily replied, I had a feeling the teacher would be staring me down,  
><strong>It hurts and once again everyone's being a dick, oh fun<strong>  
><strong>Bradie hurting you?<strong> I smiled, Bradie never did anything to me at all, but Andy of course had to check,  
><strong>No, never does, just everyone else, teachers as well, what a surprise<strong>  
><strong>What this time?<br>Emo, faggot, I was refused music to, so I'm trying to find a release, they're itching so that's annoying  
>Stay strong Shaun x Call me at lunch if you need, love you <strong>I had a grin on my face as I slid my phone back into my pocket,  
>"Who were you texting?" I looked up to see Bradie staring at me,<br>"Your mum," he rolled his eyes at my typical response, "Your brother," I whispered as he began typing again. I could excuse him for being distant, I was snappy lately, and miserable, everything was tumbling for me, I swear I had actual depression. My entire day could be turned around with a single comment, the bruise on my should hurt like all hell, I'd been punched the day before, some idiot, all I did was touch the screen of his laptop and bam, right in my shoulder in the joint. I pulled up Crazy Taxi and began playing, it was pathetic but the only good game I had on my laptop.

* * *

><p><strong>AN **_This story as I mentioned is a trial, feedback appreciated as always, but please by all means, favourite, review, whatever takes your fancy. And... yeah... _

**Sway x**


	3. Chapter 3

Bradie and I were sitting at recess, it was pouring down rain which pleased me rather much because I fucking loved the rain, I pulled my jumper sleeves up, and sure my few scars were showing but I didn't care at that moment. I had nothing to eat, well I did but I didn't like any of it, I'd palmed off most of it to Bradie and the rest would be going in the bin. I saw Bradie's eyes venture down my arms and land on my scars, the recurrent fear rising inside me,  
>"What're—" "Cat scratches," he nodded, hopefully I'd convinced him, I couldn't have anyone find out about what I did, I got up and walked down to the library,<br>"Where are you going?" He shouted out after me,  
>"Library!" I walked at a leisurely pace despite the pouring rain; hopefully it would wash away my terrible mood and paranoia. Most people said problems like this, like depression could go away, like an on off switch, maybe a bipolar on off switch, but no, you couldn't just turn it off. It was embedded in the depths of your brain, once you started it was hard to stop, it became an obsession, a way to mark yourself as not good enough, that's what it was for me, that's what it became for me, not good enough. Too lazy, too annoying, not popular enough, not good looking enough, my mind was a minefield of negative thoughts slowly crushing me under the pressure. I went inside, dumping my bag just outside the door; I knew where I was headed, usually just to sit in the corner and do nothing except be with my thoughts, no, not today. I knocked on the door and it opened up,<br>"May I help you?" I nodded keeping my head low,  
>"Can I speak to the counsellor please?" a soft smile graced her face and I looked up,<br>"Can I have your name please?" I racked my mind contemplating whether or not to give her a real name, hah, no way,  
>"Travis Barker," she nodded, come on she must have known that wasn't my actual name, obviously not as she lead me inside and I sat down,<br>"What seems to be the problem?" I pulled up my sleeves and heard her gasp, I knew she'd do that, Andrew hadn't, he looked more concerned than anything when I first showed him. He was sympathetic to my problems, all the miniscule amount he was aware of. A lot went through my mind, a lot, I'd considered suicide multiple times, and I mean _multiple times_, but he had stopped me all the time. He was like my saviour, no one could honestly understand.

I sat in English, my pencil dancing over the page drawing Frank the Rabbit from Donnie Darko, every so often feeling glances from Bradie,  
>"Shaun are you… are you honestly okay? You're really quiet today," I shot him a glare, "And your arm it… it doesn't—" "I told you they're cat scratches; she was fucking having a PMS fit at me okay? Chill, and maybe I'm just tired, did you think that?" he sat there staring at me with a blank expression, "I'm sorry, it's just… hard to explain, well not really more like hard to understand," he smiled gently and put his hand over mine as a comforting gesture,<br>"It's okay, I'm here for you if you need someone though, you know that," I smiled and moved my hand away from his, "Do you maybe want to come over this afternoon?" it wasn't a genuine smile on my face until he asked, his house meant Andrew, thank the lord,  
>"Yeah sure, my parents shouldn't mind, I'll just text them and ask," the two of us looked at each other momentarily and I pulled my phone out of my pocket concealing it under the bottom of my jumper, '1 New Message' braced my screen and I swallowed hard,<br>"Who's it from?" I shrugged having a good idea who it actually was from, _no way am I letting him see that_, I thought as I sent a quick text to my parents,  
><strong>Hey, going to Bradie's this afternoon, assignment to work on.<br>Be home before nine **was all they replied with, I snickered and put it away before looking back at Bradie,  
>"I can stay until nine," he smiled his goofy grin and did a double thumbs up, I shook my head and still had a smile on my face from before. If only there was a way Andy and I could get alone without anyone being suspicious, sure he meant 'love' as a brotherly love, but I wish he knew it meant more when I said it. I sighed for a while and went back to my work, what little of it I was doing, the anticipation for that afternoon clashing with my ever recurrent depression.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

"Mum, Dad, Shaun's here!" Bradie shouted as we walked through the door, dumping our bags at the bottom of the staircase before heading to his room, I passed by Andrew's room and felt myself smile, his door was just open ajar and I could see him on his laptop playing COD and waved gently, his head snapped towards me and a grin braced his face,  
>"Hey Shaun," his head jerking up with a slight nod,<br>"Shaun!" Bradie shouted and I gave him a look letting him know I had to go, he nodded in response and I ran to Bradie's room down the hall, "Where were you? You took a while," I shrugged and sat down onto his bed,  
>"Andy was just saying hi," he nodded slowly with wide eyes as if saying 'I know you're lying but I don't want to ask', I sighed and fell back,<br>"How long are you actually going to stay?" he queried turning on his TV and PS2, Spyro in the console,  
>"I'm allowed to stay until nine, so if it's cool with your parents probably nine, and then walk home," he nodded and started up the game, the opening screen to the original 'Spyro the Dragon' game starting, the animation of Gnasty Gnorc turning the dragons into crystal began and I sat there staring amazed at how ugly they could create a computer character.<br>"Want to skip this?" I nodded and he pressed X so the starting screen came up, we heard footsteps coming down the hall but quickly became too engrossed in breathing fire onto sheep to notice,  
>"Ugh, Spyro, really?" I turned around as did Bradie to see Andy standing in the doorway, Bradie simply rolled his eyes and looked back to the game, I however kept staring at him, as he did to me, I felt myself go a soft red in the cheeks and Andrew winked at me, oh lord he was being a tease right then,<br>"Shaun!" Bradie shouted with disgust, I snapped out of my daze and looked over at the screen, "Get the green dude!" Wow he really got into these games, I sighed and looked back over my shoulder, by then he was already gone back to his room.

By now it had reached about 7:30, Bradie and I got bored and went into the lounge to watch Spiderman on the bigger screen, his mum and dad (well Andrew's mum and his dad) had already come home. My stomach rumbled and I looked down in shock, I rarely got hungry but obviously I just had,  
>"Do you boys want anything for dinner?" Andrew's mum queried from the kitchen,<br>"Pizza, Andy can get it," we answered simultaneously, even though I was only half-watching Spiderman I still wasn't bothered to get up. I saw Andy appear out the corner of my eye and felt myself burn up again,  
>"Shaun you don't even look like you're watching that, and you look sick, I think you need some fresh air," Bradie and I looked at him and I could just tell Bradie was looking at him with that doofus glare he has, obviously I wasn't sick, so the only question was, <em>what in the hell is he planning?<em> I looked to Bradie as if asking for disapproval and he nodded,  
>"He's right, you're not watching anyway, plus you're a fussy eater, you palm half your food off to me, you should go," I carefully contained my sudden excitement with a simple nod before chucking on my jacket and following Andy. He locked the door behind us and stood still on the veranda,<br>"Shaun, are you sure your parents don't mind?" the joy from my face disappeared at his words,  
>"You know the answer to that already," I mumbled under my breath,<br>"Shaun," he hesitated slightly before he continued, "Show me your arms today, you seemed bad this morning, I want to know you've done," his voice sounded so sincere and caring I felt like I could burst into tears at that moment, I walked over to the car and got inside flipping my hood over my head, he followed shortly after, his keys in ignition but the car not even started, "Shaun, give me your hand," I tugged my sleeve over the edge and stuck my arm out to him, I shut my eyes tight as he uncurled the sleeve from my fingers and began to slide it up my arm, I small cross between a whimper and a sigh escaping his mouth, "Did you do these ones this morning?" I shrieked quietly in pain as his calloused fingers ran over what I'd done to myself, I nodded as he released my arm from his grasp, my wrist still tingling somewhat from his touch,  
>"I don't want to discuss it… can we just get the food?" he chuckled dark under his breath as he started the car,<br>"Hungry for once?" I smirked and shrugged still feeling a tiny bit awkward, "Shaun, loosen up, I'm not going to hurt you," I let my guard down and took off my jacket, I wasn't too scared around him, he knew almost everything there was to know about me. I sat looking out the windscreen ahead as we drove down the road, Andy ever so often giving me sideways glances,  
>"What something bothering you?" he shook his head and fixated his gaze back onto the road,<br>"Just that I can tell something is bothering you," I sighed,  
>"I can't tell you this one, it's... it's awkward," I saw him smile gently,<br>"It's fine, tell me whatever you want, and whenever, " I groaned and rested my head against the cold glass,  
>"I'm gay," I mumbled as we pulled up at the stoplight, he let out a breathy laugh in some sort of astonishment at the fact, "What?"<br>"I kind of always had the feeling, good that I know at least," my brow furrowed in confusion at his comment,  
>"What do you mean, 'I kind of always had the feeling'?" he looked at me then, a smile on his face, my mind confused so much,<br>"You're a guy, you take way too much pride in your appearance, you blush around me like all the time and not to mention, you confide in me for your secrets," I stared right into his eyes, like pools of bright blue ocean, I seemed somewhat lost, "So do you like anyone?" I snapped back into reality and nodded shyly, "Is it Bradie?" the two of us shared an awkward glance before bursting out laughing,  
>"Really? You really asked that, the only person that could ever love Bradie is his parents, no offence to him though, he's my friend, but no… it's… it's you…" the last part of my sentence was nothing but a hurried whisper, an eerie silence fell over the car and at that moment I wished I stayed watching Spiderman with Bradie, "Well? Did you hear what I said? Because right now I'm wishing I'd stayed at your house because you're not even saying anything and I'll probably end up just hating myself later because of the fact I'll probably lose—" "I'm thinking Shaun," he cut off my word vomit, his voice set in stone, his eyes pretty much glazed over in thought, what on Earth could he be thinking about? Oh. Stupid question, <em>dipshit you just told him you're gay and have a crush on him, what else would he be thinking about; his highest score on COD?<em>  
>"Shaun… how long have you known that for?" I tried to avoid eye contact with him and instead focused my eyes on the strange shadows of the trees outside,<br>"About two or three years, I've liked you for the past year or so… that's why I was so open towards you, you're the only person who knows any of what I've told you," I spoke through my teeth, I wanted to cry, if he hated me I wanted to know, and for him to punch me as well, I don't know why, I was just expecting it, as if he were to try and punch the gay out of me, like that would have worked.  
>"It's good you came out with it though… don't worry, I don't hate you, I find it… sweet in a way,"<br>"But you don't feel the same way," I growled feeling absolutely shithouse right then,  
>"I'm confused Shaun, it's not every day your step-brother's best friend and your friend you consider close comes out and says they have a crush on you, my mind's deliberating how I feel okay, I'm sorry I can't give you a straight answer but I will… eventually." I nodded thinking he was done, but apparently his mini speech had somewhat only begun, "It's just, I can't decide straight away, it's not a yes or no for me, you, you have it figured out and I… I'm confused okay. But I don't hate you Shaun, I mean I'd say I love you but it's not even close to how you'd say it to me right now, I'm sorry I'm rambling, but once my head's straight I'll let you know, but for now… for now…" he paused again seemingly lost for anymore words, "For now we can be best friends, and a bit closer if it makes you feel better, because as ashamed I am to say it, that'd probably be nice for me too." I smirked and scoffed,<br>"So you are, well at least partially, gay?" his face went blank and he stopped twirling his lip piercing,  
>"I… fuck you man!" he playfully punched me in the arm and it was only then I noticed we'd arrived, Andy stopped the car and we both got out, I felt him grab hold of my hand and a goofy grin suddenly attached itself to my face,<br>"Tell me I'm not dreaming," I whispered, my words turning into fog in the cold air around us, he leant in close and for a split second I stopped breathing, I felt his warm breath in my ear,  
>"You're not," he let go of my hand and opened up the door, "Okay, so what is there with no sauce and no cheese?" he queried out loud as if he owned the place,<br>"An empty pizza base, how many are we getting?" he gave me a dramatic look at my answer to his question and shrugged,  
>"There's you, me, Bradie, mum and dad, so… three because you and I are fussy," I nodded and sat on one of the stools as he ordered, why we went to Pizza Hut beat me, Andy had a job at Dominoes and I was pretty sure he could have gotten the entire dinner for free if he knew who was serving.<p>

_**A/N **__I know this one is long-ish. I apologise D: I'll leave it at here for now, let me know what you think :3_

**Sway x**


	5. Chapter 5

I sat between the two guys, Andrew on my right and Bradie on my left; by now Bradie had already had about three slices whereas I'd managed to just scrape all the toppings off one, I was too distracted by Andy purposely hitting my leg with his, at one stage he even grabbed my hand under the table, fucking tease, he hadn't even been sure yet, _maybe he is now_. I got up and took my plate over to the sink, I heard someone else get up and had a feeling it was Andy, _bingo_, I saw his ruffled blonde hair out the corner of my eye,  
>"Why so frigid Shaun? You're like made of stone out there," I put my hands on the bench and glared at him through my fringe,<br>"Why? Uh let's see, you're being the biggest tease ever out there, I swear, grabbing my hand, brushing your leg against mine oh and basically just you being so close in general." He smiled and grabbed me by the wrist dragging me over to where we wouldn't be visible, "What're you doing?" I asked in a hushed whisper,  
>"I made my mind up Shaun, I decided…" he looked right into my eyes and I felt my cheeks flush red, he tilted his head and leant in as if to kiss me, I braced myself, <em>this isn't real, this isn't real<em>, the words chanting in my head over and over again, he stopped right before his lips touched mine and burst into laughter, "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!" I clamped his mouth shut in order not to disturb everyone else in the dining room,  
>"Andrew shut up," I released my hand and saw he was still trying to hold back laughter which soon turned into coughs,<br>"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but in all seriousness, I have chosen, but I'm not kissing you just yet," I smiled and flung my arms around him in a tight hug, slowly but ever so surely his arms wrapped around me as well, "Just promise me something," I pulled back a little so I could look into his eyes, _anything_, I answered in my head, "When you get home tonight, don't harm yourself, and try not to for the next few weeks okay, please, and god dammit this is awkward because I can feel you getting a slight hard on," it was my turn to laugh,  
>"That's my phone dickhead," blood rushed to his cheeks with embarrassment and I loosened my grip on him a slight bit,<br>"Besides that, promise you won't harm yourself okay?" I chewed my lip, that was a promise easier said than kept,  
>"I'll try, for you, I'll try," he smiled and grabbed a hold of my hand,<br>"Good, because I seriously hate seeing you do this to yourself, even before I was sure of which team I was on," we heard footsteps coming towards us and quickly moved apart from each other and pretended to look busy searching for food,  
>"What're you two doing?" I knew that nasally voice, Bradie,<br>"Looking for Oreos," I replied, Andy doing the same except saying booze as an alternative to the biscuit snack I suddenly craved,  
>"Shaun, top cupboard, Andy, no." Andrew pouted at the denial of alcohol as I grabbed down the box of Oreos and ran up to Bradie's room, soon after the Bradie followed jumping to sit next to me on the bed. "What were you and Andy talking about?" I shrugged taking a handful of Oreos into my mouth,<br>"Stuff, basically, COD," he nodded and started up Spyro again, it was nearing nine and I knew I'd had to leave soon,  
>"Shaun," I heard Andrew call from his room and pretty much leapt off Bradie's bed with excitement,<br>"Yes," I smiled and he smirked back,  
>"I was thinking, it's pretty cold out… maybe I could drive you home?" I didn't need to answer, he knew it was a yes, "Awesome, its eight thirty so do you maybe want to leave now so you get home on time?" I nodded vigorously and he tried not to laugh at my eagerness. I went back to Bradie's room and grabbed my stuff,<br>"You leaving now?" I nodded trying to hurry,  
>"Andy's taking me home, I'll see you at school tomorrow," I didn't really give him a chance to reply and felt a bid bad afterwards, but right then I didn't care, I was getting more time alone with Andy, that's what I wanted so much, wasn't it?<p>

The whole car ride he had his hand in mine, I was ecstatic really, and slightly surprised at how fast he'd made up his mind, "Andrew, were you… um… curious before?" He looked at me as we sat round the corner from my house, the drive was shorter than we thought, well he thought, I knew how long the drive was,  
>"A bit, it scared me a little sometimes when I felt more attracted to guys than women, I was like 'Woah Andy, what the fuck,' but I guess it was for the better because now I can make you feel… better," he hesitated at the end of his sentence and we both laughed. "Listen Shaun, I want to thank you though, you kind of helped me make up my mind, and you're a great guy, and I hate seeing you do this," he motioned to my arms, "To yourself, please, text me next time, I'll listen to whatever you want me to, you know that," tears started to well in my eyes and a few managed to escape down my cheeks,<br>"God dammit Andy, you're making me cry," he brushed away my tears with the back of his hand,  
>"Don't cry, you're alright, I'll take care of you even if no one does alright?" I wrapt my arms around him giving his a hug before we got out of the car, we walked to my door hand in hand and he gave me one final hug goodbye before I walked inside, terrified of what faced me.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

"Shaun, where the hell have you been?" I was barely through the door before I was met with the frustrated tone of my father, I knew what was coming now,  
>"I told mum, I was at Bradie's," he looked over to my mother and she nodded,<br>"But fact remains you were supposed to be home at nine… it's nine thirty," I let out a groan and walked off to my room, "Shut the door," I rolled my eyes and slammed it behind me,  
>"DON'T SLAM YOUR DOOR YOUNG MAN! I worked for the money to get this damn house and I don't want you breaking it in your fucking temper!" I rolled onto my bed and stared up at my roof, the light glinted off the pin on my bedside table and I flipped onto my side so I couldn't be met with the temptation. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and hastily texted Andy,<br>**I love you okay **I let the tears run out, they were of joy before I'd walked in the door but now it was heartache, I'd gone from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds, from Andrew who cared about me so deeply to my parents who care more about money and the house than my own wellbeing,  
><strong>Shaun what's wrong? Tell me now x <strong>I felt my body shake as I cried, I hadn't cried this full on in ages, I'd usually bottled in all up and never let it out, I felt like a pussy, pathetic and weak being like this.  
><strong>Nothing, just don't worry; I'm fine, tolerable, just don't worry about me. <strong>

Andy's P.O.V

'Don't worry about me', what the fuck, how could I not worry about him, I'd been worrying about him ever since he told me about what he does to himself. I still remembered when he told me,

_I sat on the oval under the tree where we always sat, Shaun, Bradie and I, carrying on like the usual losers we are. Every so often I caught Shaun's eye and he quickly looked away, something was up, I'd known the guy for years and could obviously tell when he was irritated by something. He reached into his bag and pulled out a five dollar note,  
>"Hey Bradie, reckon you could get me a chocolate milk from the canteen?" Bradie eyed him as if asking where his benefit was here, "You can get something for yourself as well," at that note he shrugged and took the money before heading off.<br>"Why couldn't you do it yourself?" I queried and he moved so he was resting next to me against the back of the tree,  
>"Because I want to talk to you, can I trust you Andy?" I have to admit, at this point I started to get worried, what could he honestly want to tell me?<br>"Of course, dude, you can tell me anything, we're like best friends you know that," he scoffed,  
>"Sure, sure, pretty sure I spend more time with Bradie," I smiled, he seemed really nervous,<br>"That's only because you two are in the same classes and the same year, you won't have me here next year, anyway, tell me what you wanted to," he pulled up the sleeves of his jumper and I could see why he'd wanted Bradie nowhere near us, his arms had several tiny scars lining up and down them, not enough to make him seem like a complete wreck just enough to make someone curious, my eyes widened and I stared at them, I was scared, terrified even, but not for myself, for him, for what he must have been going through to want to do this.  
>"You're not going to talk to me anymore now are you? You'll run around chanting, 'Shaun's an emo' at the top of your lungs like I feared," I pulled his sleeve down closest to me and swallowed hard,<br>"No, no I'm not, I'm going to help you, because you're my friend Shaun, a good friend, and I don't want to see you do that to yourself, you have my number and can text me whenever you need to," he smiled gently and brought down the other one muttering a small thank-you as Bradie returned from the canteen._

I sighed and messaged him back, my head hitting my pillow as I did so,  
><strong>Shaun, I'll always worry about you, I have since you first told me, so don't bullshit me here. I could even tell something was up with you the day you told me about your harm, I'm not an idiot even though I may appear to be, so Shaun… spill, now. <strong>

Shaun's P.O.V

I groaned as I read the reply, the tears had stilled now but I still felt like shit,  
><strong>Meet me at the park down the road from my house<strong> I stood up after pressing send and opened up my door, "I just remembered I'd left my phone at Bradie's, I'm just gonna go get it okay?" I didn't give them a chance to answer or a chance to notice I'd been crying, I walked off towards the park and flung my hood over my head. I knew the swings would be cold but like I cared, there was a slight rain starting to come down making the surface of my jacket sodden in a few minutes only adding to how cold I felt. I heard footsteps coming my way and panicked, my feet dragging on the ground to stop me swinging again,  
>"Fucking hell, did you have to bring me out here? Do you realise how cold it fucking is?" I laughed in relief and amusement from Andy,<br>"Chill, it's not _that_ cold," he shrugged and sat on the swing next to me and started to swing back and forth,  
>"Whatever, what did you want to tell me?" I sat staring down at the ground,<br>"Nothing, they were just yelling at me, and I wanted to see you, that's all," he stopped and I looked up to see him smiling,  
>"You're a good guy Shaun, I was expecting you to lie to me," I shrugged and started to swing back and forth, "Do your parent's know you're… you know,"<br>"Gay?" I finished and he rubbed his neck nervously,  
>"Yeah, it feels weird saying it," I scoffed as I flew into the air again, "What?"<br>"You're scared of saying what you admitted to being, and no, they don't, and I'm hoping they never will, at least not for a long time," he was rather silent after that, he just nodded and I kept swinging, "You okay Andrew? You're suddenly really quiet," he shrugged like I had before and was looking straight ahead,  
>"Just thinking… I don't think I've asked you before but… does it hurt? Like, when you do what you do to yourself?"<br>"You mean cut?" he shivered at my words,  
>"Don't say that, it seems so harsh," I muttered a small sorry and he turned his head towards me grabbing my hand at the same time, "Don't apologise, but… does it?"<br>"Sometimes, I think it's because I don't use a razor, I use whatever I have, scissors, metal ruler, my nails, a pin. It hurts more because I have to run it over and over it again and again and—" I stopped abruptly and started taking in deep breaths,  
>"What's wrong?"<br>"I can't discuss it, it's like it's a trigger, I'm sorry, it's just now my head's all like empty and blank," he got off the swing and put his arms around me from behind,  
>"Listen to me Shaun, just let me ask one more question," I nodded resting my chin on my palms, even though I was with Andy my mind was starting to feel like shit, "Does Bradie… does Bradie know about your self-harm," I chuckled with a slight smirk and looked up at him,<br>"Bradie, Spiderman and video game obsessed Bradie, Bradie who has never once spoken something deep and meaningful to any of us… would know about how I self-harm?" the two of us laughed and I felt Andy pick me up off the swing. I felt my back hit the soft grass and he pretty much straddled me then and there on the grass, he lent down and pressed his lips to mine softly, a shiver running down my spine, was this real or just my imagination? He pulled away and I saw a slight blush in his cheeks, I was pretty sure my face about as red as Gerard Way's hair at that moment.  
>"Like that did you?" I scowled at him in reply, "That looks like a no, maybe I'll have to do it again," a brief smile came to my face and he stopped halfway, "Is that a smile I see? Oh, so you did enjoy it? No need to go again then," I made a face of complete and utter disappointment, and it was real actually, overdramatised but real, "Oh so now you're sad?" he put his hands either side of my waist and sat up fully, his crotch riding against mine, suddenly he burst out laughing and I had a slight idea why,<br>"It's just my phone," I lied and he shook his head,  
>"Your phone's over there dickhead, I'm not that big an idiot, I'm totally giving you a hard on right now," I blushed once again and he bent down to press his lips to mine, a soft moan escaping my lips, a chuckled coming from his,<br>"Just shut up and keep going," I muttered against his mouth and he ground his hips into mine, a groan coming from him, now it was my turn to laugh,  
>"Shut up you pussy," I pushed him up and crawled out from under him, "What're you doing? I thought you wanted this?" I nodded,<br>"Yeah but not in the freezing cold in the middle of a park only a street sway from that hell bent terror house I come from," he sat with his elbows on the grass keeping him perch up and smiling at me,  
>"That's excusable I suppose, we'll have to try and get Bradie out of the house," I chuckled as I helped him off the ground,<br>"My house gets empty a lot more than yours does," he nodded and we started walking back to my house.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I awoke with groggy eyes and a clouded mind, my mind deliberating as to whether the night before was nothing more but a dream. The familiar beep of Andy's car horn sounded outside and I sat up in my head, _only one way to find out_. I grabbed my bag and headed out to the car, ruffling my hair in the mirror and flattening out my uniform. I could see Andy grinning at me and I swear he winked at me as I walked down the stairs; I purposely swayed my hips a bit more as I walked past and could hear him giggle or chuckle, it was hard to tell.  
>"You're extra cheerful this morning," Bradie commented as I sat down,<br>"Is that a problem Webbstar?" Andy choked on his air when I spoke,  
>"The hell?" I shrugged,<br>"I'm in a good mood, and that sounded extremely gay so I'll never call you it again, don't stress," the whole car ride I kept kicking the back of Andy's seat just to piss him off,  
>"Shaun quit it," he muttered and I did it once more,<br>"That's not what you said last night," I laughed darkly and Bradie gave us a weird stare,  
>"What are you implying?" I rolled my eyes,<br>"It's a joke Bradie, a joke, am I not allowed to joke?" he nodded,  
>"But implying sexual interactions with my step-brother is just a bit weird," Andrew looked over the back of his seat and eyed me up and down,<br>"I don't know Bradie, I'd do Shaun in my spare time if I could," 'Fucking tease' I mouthed and felt my cheeks flare red,  
>"Okay you two are creeping me out now, is there anything you want to admit? Like your sexuality?" I gave Andrew a look asking as to whether we should tell him,<br>"Oh totally Bradie, Shaun and I made out in my car last night before I dropped him home, hence the white stains where you're sitting," the two of us cracked up and Bradie went pale in the face, poor guy, _he'll know soon enough_.

I sat in the corner of the gym for PE, Bradie wasn't with me, sadly, the only people who spoke to me in this class were Geoff and Leon, and even then they were cunts. Everything they said to me was an insult, 'emo', 'faggot', 'gay cunt', 'depressed', I pretty much wanted to break down every lesson, I snuck my phone out in my sleeve and sent Andy a message,  
><strong>I miss you<strong> nothing more and nothing less. He'd register something was up,  
><strong>Who and what? I swear to god I'll kill them<strong> I smiled briefly at the message,  
>"Texting your boyfriend Diviney?" my head shot up to see Leon standing over me, <em>if only they knew<em>, the words circled in my head,  
>"Hey Leon are they new scars on him?" Geoff shouted from the other side, I pulled my sleeves over my hand and curled my fingers to keep it tucked over,<br>"Just leave me alone," Geoff walked over and I curled up into a tiny ball, trying my hardest to disappear,  
>"Why, because you're a depressed little fuck?" Leon snickered and I felt my skin burn with the temptation, I wanted to scream, I was sick of these guys,<br>"You going to cut yourself this afternoon, because of us right, right Diviney?"  
>"FUCK OFF!" I shouted at the top of my lungs and every eye in the gym turned to me,<br>"Shaun, front office, now," the teacher told me sternly, she lead me out and unlocked the change room so I could grab my bag and get changed before heading to the front office. My head hung low as I walked up to the office,  
><strong>Geoff and Leon, they wouldn't stop, I told them to fuck off and now I'm going to the principal<strong> it didn't take him long to reply, and he didn't seem too happy,  
><strong>Ask if you can go home, I can come get you, that school is bullshit, I notice even more that I'm not there<strong> I pushed up my sleeves as I kept walking, I'd pull them down before I got to the principal,  
><strong>I'll see, they'll try to call my parents first, I'm not in the mood to see them, rarely am<strong> I turned off my phone to prevent it vibrating in the office, I pulled down my sleeves as I walked up the stairs. As I knocked on the door his head shot up,  
>"May I help you?" I swallowed hard and nodded,<br>"I got sent here by Miss Smith, I got in trouble for swearing," he nodded and gestured towards his seat,  
>"Name?"<br>"Shaun Diviney," he nodded once again, I got the feeling he'd be nodding a lot, he typed something into his computer and his expression became perplexed,  
>"You seem like a good student Shaun, so what caused you to swear during her class?" I sighed, I might as well tell the truth,<br>"Geoff and Leon were abusing me again, it happens every class I have with them , they call me an emo and a faggot, again and again, I guess I just got sick of it today," he nodded again, knew it,  
>"Geoffrey Taylor and Leon Blair?" I nodded this time and of course as predicted he nodded in response, "Well Mr Diviney, mind telling me what it was you said? Censoring out the swear words,"<br>"I told them to eff off basically," he sighed and looked straight at me, "Look, can I just go home? If that's okay?" he nodded, _again_,  
>"Do you want me to call your parents to pick you up,"<br>"No!" I answered a bit too quickly, "I mean, no thank-you, I have someone else who could pick me up," he nodded yet again, _my god he nods a lot_,  
>"Okay, so who do you want me to call?"<br>"Andrew Clemmensen," I whispered and he looked at me strangely,  
>"Andrew Clemmensen, as in ex-student Andrew?" I nodded and he gave me permission to use my phone,<br>"Hey Shaun, are you alright?" I smiled at the sound of his voice,  
>"Yeah, yeah, can you come get me? You're allowed I asked," the principal smiled and I couldn't help but smile back, I got to skip school, get away from those fucks <em>and<em> be with Andy,  
>"Alright see you soon," he hung up and I put my phone back in my pocket.<br>"Shaun," I turned around before I left the office, "Make this the last time I see you here okay?" I nodded and headed out to wait for Andrew, things seemed to be going too fast, and happening too well, my life had never seemed so easy, but now it had.  
>"Something bad is gonna happen," I whispered, I knew something would, something always did, but the only question was what?<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

I sat with my head down the entire car ride, the car slowed to a stop and my head shot up, "Andy… why are we at my house? My parents are home remember?" he nodded and turned off the ignition.  
>"I'm not keeping your life a secret forever Shaun, I'm sorry if I sound like a dick but seriously, they should know what happened today, maybe not the exact truth but you should tell them how Geoff and Leon treated you, they could put a stop to it," I laughed sadistically,<br>"Are you stupid? They won't care, they'll probably agree with Geoff and Leon, call me a faggot, I think my dad actually has once, I live in fear in that house, if my parents found out that I cut they'd go off their heads, if they found out I'm gay I'd probably get kicked out of that house, I'm not kidding," tears were starting to slowly trail down my face and Andy pulled me into a hug,  
>"Shh, it's okay, I understand, but they'll need to know one day, at least about your sexuality okay? How else are we supposed to go any further?" I laughed quietly at his question, "What?"<br>"We've been together a day and you already want to go further, you whore," I spoke into his lap,  
>"Shush you, I didn't ask your opinion," he patted the top of my head as if I were a dog,<br>"Can we just go to your house? Your parents aren't home," he started the car back up and I smiled,  
>"But your seatbelt on idiot and sit up otherwise I won't be moving anywhere," I sat up and did up my belt before shooting him a cheesy grin, "Better, but you still seem retarded," I stuck out my tongue at him just to reinforce the fact as we headed off towards the ClemmensenWebb residence.

We heard the door open but neither one of us really bothered to move, we were sitting on the lounge in the main room, Donnie Darko blasting through the sound system, the only thing that did change were the position of our hands, I let go of Andy's as soon as the key turned in the lock, we both breathed a sigh of relief as Bradie appeared in our peripheral vision,  
>"What's Shaun doing here?"<br>"I can be deal with it," I answered bluntly, Donnie stabbing Frank in the eye as I said so,  
>"In all seriousness though, why are you here?" he asked again and I sighed dramatically turning to face him,<br>"Geoff and Leon were being cunts, I told them to fuck off and got in shit for it, sent home but came here," he nodded slowly but something was still puzzling him, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a can of Coke before returning,  
>"So… why are you at our house? Your parents that bad you can't be at home?" I tensed up as did Andy, I peered at him out the corner of my eye,<br>"Bradie, what does it matter to us, it's not really our business what happens at Shaun's house, just be glad he's here okay?" I sensed he meant that in more ways than one and I couldn't help but smile at it.

Andy dropped me home and I walked in the door, my mother looking at me with a contorted expressions,  
>"Where were you?"<br>"Andy's," I replied abruptly before realising I'd forgotten Bradie,  
>"We got a call from your school today," my stomach dropped and I wanted to run away, "Why were you swearing in class?" I scoffed and fell back onto the lounge, might as well stay in the main room if I was forced to make conversation,<br>"Geoff and Leon were treating me like absolute shit again so I lashed out, I got mad, it's a perfectly normal _human_ thing to do, I apologise, I didn't mean it, punish me now if you so wish," I rattled off, I used the toes of my shoes to push one another off and made myself comfortable, the main/living room seemed foreign to me, I spent so much time in my own room in my own world that anything else in the house other than the dining area seemed strange. I suddenly became overcome with tiredness and for the first time in years I swear I heard my mother mutter, 'I love you Shaun, we all do', but then again, it could have just been my mind.

There was a sudden poking on my shoulder and I sprang awake, frightening the poker, who happened to be my mother, in the process,  
>"Shaun, come on, we're having dinner," I blinked at her in confusion,<br>"Mum… why are you being nice to me? You usually snap my head off and treat me like shit," she shook her head,  
>"That's your father, I'm sorry, he needs to stop that," I smiled and gave her a hug, it felt so strange, my family hadn't shown me affection in so long, "Now come on, before he realises you're not out there with your brothers," I froze,<br>"They're here?" _that was blunt_, it came out worse than I had intended. The last time I'd seen my brothers was at the beginning of the year, no my parents hadn't split and remarried, my Nan stepped in, she believed my parents were doing a shit job at parenting, dad and her got in an argument and she decided to take us, except at the time I'd chosen to stay with my parents, I'd always hated Nan and still did. She was a bitch, well not really, I mean, she's old; she was an old hag, we just never really seemed to get along, but she was telling the truth, my father ran the family, always would. I got up and trudged out into the dining room, Luke and Liam already sitting there,  
>"Why is Shaun still in his uniform?" Liam queried, staring straight at me,<br>"Because he got sent home from school but went to a friend's house," Mum replied to him, it seemed like for once she was on my side, then I realised Dad was still outside on the barbeque,  
>"So why didn't he get changed?" I looked over at him and sighed dramatically, I'd grown to despise those two, especially Liam, so young but so arrogant,<br>"Because I didn't feel like it okay?" I snapped and he immediately turned away from me, I rested my head in my hands as Dad came back into the room,  
>"Shaun, go get changed," he snarled, I kicked out my chair and dragged myself to my room, I sighed as I reached for my black jeans and blue Pokémon shirt. I didn't bother rushing, what was the point? I didn't really feel like eating anyway.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Andy's P.O.V

"Andrew!" Bradie shouted from down the hall, I could barely hear him over My Chemical Romance's 'Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge' album so I used that to my advantage, "Andrew come in here now!" I groaned and went into his room, he sat at his desk in deep thought,  
>"What the fuck do you want?" he swallowed hard and looked up at me,<br>"Does Shaun… does Shaun cut himself?" I shivered at his words and my mind went blank, what do I say, I can't lie to him, he's family, why does he even think that anyway, oh, there's an answer,  
>"Why do you even think that?" he shrugged,<br>"Because he has trouble at home, why else would he have come here, he's told me before he hates being at home, then yesterday he had his sleeves pushed up and there were all these scars on his arms, I mean he said they were cat scratches but not as in, 'oh yeah, they're cat scratches' more like 'they're cat scratches, believe in that because I won't tell you the truth'. I was only wondering, sorry," I thought long and hard about what I was to say, what could I say? It wasn't my place to decide if Bradie know, it wasn't.  
>"That's…That's something you should ask Shaun about okay? It's not my place to say," I eventually stuttered out, my words going a mile a minute, he nodded slowly and went back to drawing Spiderman. I tried my hardest not to run back to my room, I pulled out my phone and sent Shaun a text,<br>**Bradie's suspicious, if he asks you anything tomorrow I'm sorry, I didn't tell him anything though x**

Shaun's P.O.V

I sat at my desk trying to make a bit of sense of the homework I'd been given, my phone vibrated on the desk and I almost jumped out of my skin,  
><strong>Bradie's suspicious, if he asks you anything tomorrow I'm sorry, I didn't tell him anything though x <strong>I sighed, I wasn't too surprised, I knew he'd get worried sooner or later,  
>"Uh Shaun…" I looked over to see Luke in my doorway, I pushed my chair out from under the desk and spun around to face him,<br>"What do you want?" he looked down at his socks awkwardly,  
>"Um… I need, I need your advice," I smirked inwardly, what could he possibly want <em>my<em> advice on,  
>"Step into my office, by that I mean sit in this chair, I'll sit on my bed," he nodded slightly and did as I said, "So, what on earth do want my advice on?" he tried to figure out what to say and I had to try my hardest not to burst out laughing when the words finally started to come out,<br>"Well… um… my girlfriend and I want to try taking it like further and I thought I'd ask you for advice, seeing as you're older and everything, I thought you'd help me…" I chewed my lip to stop the laughter escaping me,  
>"You're asking my advice on how to fuck your girlfriend and you think I have the answers?" he nodded and I sighed,<br>"Step one, don't try and ask me this stuff ever again because I don't have the answers to tell you the truth, therefore I am winging it," he nodded after every point, wow he was really paying attention, "Step two, don't and I repeat _don't_ do it at Nan's, doesn't matter how much she says, 'Oh Lukey I love you do whatever you want' _don't_ do it at Nan's, step three, make sure when you actually do it he's comfortable,"  
>"You mean she," I stopped, <em>did I say he?<em>  
>"Uh yeah, she, and um… I don't know what else, I really suck in this department, as long as you make sure he's the right one everything should be okay,"<br>"She Shaun." I froze again, _I thought I said she_,  
>"Yeah she, anything else before you two go back to Nan's?" he nodded,<br>"Why didn't you come with us?" I sat up and looked right at him,  
>"I just really don't like Nan and—"<br>"But you don't seem happy here," I blinked and my head dropped down,  
>"Not right here, not all the time, but if I moved to Nan's I'd have to move schools, that means leaving Andy… and Bradie, I couldn't do that," he smiled gently and walked over placing his hand on my shoulder,<br>"Fair enough, we miss you sometimes, me more than Liam, you should come visit," I shrugged and looked back up at him,  
>"One day maybe, one day," he nodded briskly before walking out of my room, "Well that was fucking awkward," I muttered before plugging my iPod into its dock, the sounds of blink-182 singing me to sleep.<p>

I strummed absentmindedly on my guitar, Bradie looking up from his comics every so often; I was spending the weekend at his house,  
>"<em>and only tonight you'll write back here I swear I'll cut, 'til crimson falls, over the bedroom walls,<em>" I sang quietly and I could feel his stares bore through my head,  
>"What're you singing?" I shrugged and stopped letting my pick fall into my palm,<br>"Something I wrote," he nodded slowly, "it's nothing really, just some bullshit that won't go far," I reassured him, he seemed extremely on edge and I guess it was because of what he'd asked Andy, "I'll be right back," I got up with my guitar and knocked on Andy's door,  
>"Go away, I'm busy," I smirked and opened the door anyway, "Bradie get the— oh, Shaun," I gave him a weird stare and he spun his chair around to face the back wall,<br>"Get your hand off your fucking boner or I will announce it to the whole house," I muttered and he groaned in disgust at me barging in,  
>"You whore, why are you in my room anyway?" I sat down on the bottom bunk of his bed; don't ask why he has a bunk bed, not like he gets any girls over,<br>"To play you this," I smiled and he turned to look at me seemingly interested,  
>"Well, begin," he laughed and I tried my hardest not to screw up as I began,<br>"_In this place we lie cutting slightly in vain  
>Hoping and praying you'll remember my name.<br>If only tonight, and only tonight, you'll write back here,  
>I swear I'm done.<br>Take your advice 'cos it's easy to see,  
>this 'so called' romance never wanted me.<br>If only tonight, and only tonight you'll write back here,  
>I swear I'll cut, 'til crimson falls, over the bedroom walls.<br>So will you lay, me down tonight,  
>and we'll be better off today.<br>And I would die, if you never got to know,  
>but would it do, more harm, this way?<em>" I looked up and he had an empty expression on his face,  
>"Is there more?" I chuckled and nodded, "Well… keep playing doofus," I composed myself from the eager laughter inside and kept going picking up where I'd left off,<br>"_Between you and I, it's the 2-step I crave,  
>morbidly swaying to a dying refrain.<br>If only tonight, and maybe tonight you'll write back here,  
>I'm so sincere.<br>So will you lay, me down tonight,  
>and we'll be better off today.<br>And I would die, if you never got to know,  
>but would it do, more harm, this way…<em> So what'd you think?" I asked nervously, I saw him get up off the chair and come towards me, I moved my guitar away as he wrapped his arms around me,  
>"You fuck, it was beautiful," we heard someone cough in the doorway and Andy leapt off me,<br>"What're you two doing?" I tried to form a sentence but all that escaped my mouth was silence,  
>"He showed me what he wrote, that okay with you? Seriously, learn to knock," he rolled his eyes at the two of us,<br>"Whatever, we're having tacos so… get ready to come downstairs," he walked off and the two of us laughed,  
>"My god that guy needs help," I managed to get out, Andrew fell back onto the bed next to me, I laid back and rolled onto my side to face him,<br>"Should we tell him one day?" I cocked my head to the side at his statement,  
>"Tell him what? There's a lot to choose from," he rolled so he was facing me and intertwined his fingers with mine,<br>"Us, tell him about us, he's suspicious obviously, he's naturally suspicious about everything," I nodded and sighed,  
>"One day, one day I'll go and say everything that needs to be said to those who need to hear it," he smiled and lightly kissed my cheek,<br>"Good, now come on, I smell tacos," he sat up and dragged me out the door,  
>"Andrew, let go," he stared at me and I let go of his hand, "They don't know remember?" he pouted and I kissed his cheek before bolting down the stairs,<br>"SHAUN DONALD PATRICK DIVINEY YOU SHIT!" I heard him scream after me as I took my seat at the dining table next to Bradie.  
>"What was all that about boys?" Andrew's mother queried as he appeared in the room and sat next to me kicking me under the table,<br>"Just Shaun being an arse like usual," he smirked and I kicked him back twice as hard mouthing 'fuck you' in the process, he grabbed my hand and this time didn't let it drop, his thumb circling fingers in my palm, "Sorry," he whispered as Bradie's dad came in with the food. My hand dived right for the sour cream as did Andy's, the two of us stopping and looking right at each other,  
>"Hey Andy, look over there," the gullible idiot he was turned to look and I took it before he got a chance to realise I'd tricked him, he turned back with a sour look on his face, "Come at me bro," I shouted in his face and he smirked,<br>"Come in me bro," he quipped and the room fell silent,  
>"What did you just say?" the two of us were locked in a gaze and my mind flooded with images, that faggot, why did he say that?<br>"It's an inside joke mum, don't worry," Andrew reassured her but I feared there'd be a lengthy question time after.


	10. Chapter 10

I lay on Bradie's floor staring up at the ceiling,  
>"Bradie are you asleep yet?" I rolled over to look at him still in his bed,<br>"Yes," he murmured from under his Spiderman blanket, I laughed quietly and stood up,  
>"Fine, you obviously aren't, I'll be back later you twat," he groaned and pulled the covers further over himself as I walked out of the room and up the darkness of the hallway to Andy's room, "Andy," I whispered as I pushed open his door, "Andrew John Nicholi Clemmensen, I'm talking to you," it was then I realised he wasn't even in his bed, nor the room,<br>"Stop making accusations!" I heard him scream from downstairs and went to have a look, I stopped as I caught sight of the living room,  
>"Andrew listen, and stay quiet otherwise you'll wake up the whole house, just tell us the truth," his mother tried to keep him calm,<br>"This is all because I said one thing isn't it? One little joke and you suddenly think I'm gay?" _oh_, that's what it was all about, I should have known, I knew they'd ask him about it,  
>"We've seen the way you act around Shaun, this adds to it, you care for him more than Bradie and he's family,"<br>"We won't kick you out Andy, we just want to know the truth," he sighed dramatically and held his head in his hands, it scared me and pained me to see him this frustrated and angry,  
>"Fine," he began, "fine… I only figured it out last week though, start of this week technically, hence me not saying anything about it," I smiled to myself but at the same time was holding back the urge to run down and hold him,<br>"Andrew, it's not something to be ashamed of, what about Shaun?" he scoffed at his father's words,  
>"I'm not discussing Shaun with you," he stood up and started walking in my direction, I went into his room and hid under his covers trying not to laugh as he came into the room, "Fucking hell," he sighed as he pulled back the blanket and stared at me confused, "The hell are you doing in here?" I smiled and wriggled over,<br>"Join me, I heard that conversation down there, thanks for not talking about me to them," he shrugged and willingly joined me,  
>"I didn't really want them to know but I guess the whole 'come in me bro' joke tipped their suspicions off, it's not my place to tell people your business," I smiled and rolled up against him, "Won't Bradie wonder where you've gone?" I shrugged closing my eyes,<br>"Look like I give a fuck?" he chuckled and wrapped his arm around me, the two of us falling into a sombre rest.

"Shaun, Shaun, Shaun, Shaun…" I sat dazed in English and Bradie waving his hand in front of my face, "Hello, Shaun, anyone home, any lights on? SHAUN!" I snapped back into reality and my chair almost fell onto the floor,  
>"Shit, you scared me," he rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrow at me,<br>"Dude, you were so zoned out you could have been a statue," I calmed myself back down and felt my heart rate ease,  
>"So why were you trying to get my attention so badly anyway?" he shrugged,<br>"So I can steal your answers," I sighed and handed him my sheet,  
>"Maybe if you started doing your own work you wouldn't <em>need <em>to copy my answers now would you Spiderman?" he muttered something which I guessed was just a mimic of my own words, "I don't know if they're all right though," he shrugged,  
>"I don't care, at least I'll have something done," for once in the whole time I'd known him Bradie Gerald Xavier Webb seemed more grouchy than ever,<br>"Dude, what's wrong? You seem… pissed," he sighed dramatically and let his pencil drop on the desk,  
>"You're worrying me, you hide stuff from me I know, you're always with Andrew to the point where I wonder if I even mean anything, am I still your friend Shaun or just someone you know?" I was put back by his words, a full on war going on inside my head,<br>"Look… Bradie… I'll… I'll tell you stuff if you want, but not now, maybe later, I'm sorry, but you're my friend you know that, but sometimes I'm worried about what I could tell you, like—"  
>"Like how you cut yourself?" my blood boiled at his words and my arm burned with that strange self-hatred that frequently occurred,<br>"I… I… The fuck," I tugged on my jumper sleeves feeling insecure,  
>"Don't pull your sleeves down to hide your 'cat scratches'," he air quoted the words and I started to feel sick, I felt like literally throwing up, or punching him, I wasn't too sure,<br>"Bradie, where is this coming from?" he looked down at his shoes, good thing the class was so noisy otherwise everyone would be staring by now,  
>"A while ago I asked Andy about you and he said he couldn't tell me anything, and the way you two act around each other, and your scars, my mind started to think of things, I'm sorry Shaun." I did probably the least thing he was expecting, I put my arm over his shoulder and pulled him into me,<br>"Once the bell goes you meet me at the back gate down near E block, we're waging and going to your house," he looked up at me distressed,  
>"W-w-why?" I smiled,<br>"So I can tell you things, things you need, well not need, require me to tell you," he made the dumb face he always does and I tried not to laugh. As if on cue the bell went and we dashed towards the door and headed towards the gate,  
>"Wait!" Bradie shouted behind me, "Are we going to walk to my house?" I shrugged,<br>"We could either go to your house or Neptune Park, up to you," he tilted his head considering the options,  
>"Neptune, shorter distance."<p>

"So wait, start again, your dad treats you like shit and has for ages, so you cut yourself to try and ease your inner conflict right?" I nodded along as he pieced together everything I'd told him, "And you felt the need to tell someone so you turned to my step-brother, because you felt he wouldn't turn you away which he didn't, and then you figured out you were gay a few years back and have developed a crush on Andy where he feels the same?" I nodded once again and he blinked with a blank expression, "So you and Andy are like together? So that's why there was all that yelling last night, wow… do your parents know you're gay?" I burst out laughing and fell backwards onto the grass,  
>"Do you think I'm suicidal? Fuck man! My dad would kill me with his bare hands if he found out I was gay," he laughed shyly a bit taken back by my sadistic humour, "So what have we missed out on?" he reached into his bag and pulled out his timetable,<br>"Science and PE,"  
>"Thank fuck," I muttered and he looked at me perplexed, "Geoff and Leon, they're in those classes of mine," he smiled and joined me on his back,<br>"I never understood you Shaun, I thought you were just a miserable idiot all the time, I'm so sorry, I really am," I shrugged, my jumper picking up loose pieces of the grass,  
>"That's okay, I guess I only have myself to blame, I never told you anything," he smiled gently and the two of us sat there a while longer just relaxing,<br>"So when are we going back?" he questioned as we both sat up,  
>"I don't know, do you even want to go back? What have we got last?" he looked over his timetable once again and smiled,<br>"Music actually, so you'll probably want to go back now won't you?" I nodded eagerly and he laughed at my sudden excitement, "Mind showing me the song you showed Andy that day?" I smiled,  
>"Sure thing, but when I go to your house, kind of don't want the people in class hearing the lyrics, I can play you the music though?" he nodded and the two of us started the walk back towards school.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Bradie's P.O.V

I looked at him confused at everything he'd just rattled out, my mind hastily trying to make sense of it; the Spiderman theme briefly still in my head was making things harder. "So wait, start again, your dad treats you like shit and has for ages, so you cut yourself to try and ease your inner conflict right?" he nodded as I spoke, "And you felt the need to tell someone so you turned to my step-brother, because you felt he wouldn't turn you away which he didn't, and then you figured out you were gay a few years back and have developed a crush on Andy where he feels the same?" he nodded once more and I felt my mind get back on track and coming more into reality, So you and Andy are like together? So that's why there was all that yelling last night, wow… do your parents know you're gay?" he suddenly started laughing and fell back onto the grass, I was confused about what was so funny,  
>"Do you think I'm suicidal? Fuck man! My dad would kill me with his bare hands if he found out I was gay," I laughed quietly to avoid the awkwardness, stunned by how loosely and easily he could joke about suicide after everything he'd told me, "So what have we missed out on?" I reached into my bag and pulled out my timetable examining it carefully, the Spiderman sticker on the top corner gleaming in the sun,<br>"Science and PE," I answered and he grinned to himself,  
>"Thank fuck," I looked at him slightly confused, I though Shaun enjoyed those subjects, "Geoff and Leon, they're in those classes of mine," I smiled now that stuff made sense and joined him on the grass,<br>"I never understood you Shaun, I thought you were just a miserable idiot all the time, I'm so sorry, I really am," I carefully admitted but it appeared as if it didn't faze him one bit,  
>"That's okay, I guess I only have myself to blame, I never told you anything," I nodded slightly, the two of us laid there for a while and I let it all sink into my head, my best friend was a depressive self-harmer and in love wait… dating my step brother. Well I certainly would feel awkward around them now but I guess as long as Shaun was happy that's what mattered.<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

Bradie sat watching me as I sat on the desk strumming the strings to the chords for 'In This Place', the song I'd well… written, for Andy, I could feel someone else watching me though, I heard footsteps approach us and stopped strumming,  
>"Um… Shaun," I turned around, a girl was talking to me, you'd think I'd know who she was but no, I had no clue,<br>"Uh… who are you?" she smiled gently and blushed, she had brown hair down to her mid-waist, part of it was tied back and she had a gentle smile, she was beautiful I'd admit, but I had Andrew, I didn't need girls, she wasn't even attractive to me, just pretty,  
>"Cindy, Cindy Parker," I nodded, <em>yeah not ringing a bell, leave me alone,<em> okay I was thinking harshly, but I honestly didn't care, "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out with me this weekend,"  
>"No I'm good," she stared at me in shock, obviously her appearance had gained her dates in the past,<br>"W-why?" I shrugged, I was actually enjoying the faked heartbreak on her face, somewhat sadistic my enjoyment, but nonetheless I found it humorous,  
>"You're… you're not my type," I was trying not to laugh even though the situation was awkward for myself, girls rarely spoke to me nor asked me out, not that I cared,<br>"What do you mean I'm not your type!" She snapped and I heard Bradie choke back a small laugh,  
>"Well first off, I don't like being yelled at, and you lack some of the things I like in a partner, I'm sorry Cindy, I'm sure you can find some poor little horny nerd that will date you, and get rid of those implants honey," she screamed and stormed off, Bradie and I bursting into a fit of laughter,<br>"Shaun, Shaun, when you said 'lack some of the things' you meant a dick didn't you?" I nodded,  
>"Of course dumbass, maybe you could date her Spiderman," he smiled to himself, "I'm serious, it'd be funny, Andy and I could watch the whole thing," he rolled his eyes,<br>"Maybe, I mean, it sounds like a good plan, and she is really pretty, but I'd dump her afterwards, mainly because she's the school slut and I just don't want to get involved," I nodded and we both grinned,  
>"So Mr. Webb, I have a plan right now, more like a script, you say to her, 'Hey Cindy, listen, I'm sorry about Shaun, he's just… a little, you know, strange, but if it makes you feel any better you could come to my house one time?' and she'll most likely say yes, you're better looking than I am," he shook his head, "Oh come on you have to!" a brief smile appeared on his face,<br>"No, no, I'll do it, but never say that I'm better looking than you, it's a little…"  
>"Gay?" I finished him off and he nodded, "Okay, keep the compliments for Andrew in the bedroom,"<br>"WOAH, you have not made out with my step-brother have you?" I felt my cheeks burn and my shoes suddenly become highly interesting, "Oh my god,"  
>"Only a little, like we didn't fully make out… yet," he pushed his chair out and stood up,<br>"Okay, I'm going to go with the plan because I seriously do not need these mental images," I smiled to myself and started flicking my feet, my legs beginning to swing back and forth, I had to ask Andy over to my house one afternoon, I had to.

Bradie's P.O.V

I did not need those visuals, I did not need them at all, just the sheer thought of my best friend making out with my step brother made me sick, I walked up to Cindy and cleared my throat behind her, she spun around, her hair flipping around like in one of those Schwarzkopf adds,  
>"Bradie right?" I nodded feeling suddenly shy,<br>"Uh yeah, look I'm sorry about Shaun, he's a little… different, so I was thinking, as a sort of apology maybe you and I could—"  
>"Okay," she chirped and I'd barely finished my sentence,<br>"Settled, maybe my house this weekend, rent some movies and just chill?" she smiled a sickly sweet grin and she nodded,  
>"Sure," she grabbed a pen and reached out taking a hold of my hand and scribbling down her number, "Text me your address and a time, I'll see you then," I nodded,<br>"See you then," I shoved my hands in pockets and walked back to Shaun, _that went exceedingly well_, I thought to myself and leapt over the desk to sit next to him,  
>"Why so smug all of sudden?" I showed him what was written on my hand and he smiled, "Good job Mr. Webb, your first date," I nodded and we both laughed,<br>"In the car, I just can't wait to pick you up on our very first date," the two of us began, this seemed to be one of the best ideas ever.


	12. Chapter 12

"It's up to you two really," I told them once again, "But if you two stay here I don't want you making out or anything upstairs," the two of them nodded standing like soldiers, I wanted to punch them for acting like idiots, but even I had to admit, it was funny, Shaun raised his hand up in a salute and Andy followed his move, the two of them chanting,  
>"Sir yes, Sir!" I rolled my eyes and they ran upstairs giggling, if they screwed this up I'd kill them, I didn't really like Cindy all that much, she had a reputation for being a slut <em>and<em> a bitch, but she was incredibly gorgeous, so I didn't want them to ruin it, _at all_.

Shaun's P.O.V

"So Mr. Clemmensen, what shall we do to entertain ourselves?" I queried, the two of us laying next to each other on his bed staring up at the wooden bottom of the top bunk,  
>"I don't know Mr. Diviney, what do you have planned?" I crawled out carefully making sure not to hit my head, "Where are you going?" I smirked at him and started to climb up to the top,<br>"Follow me you bitch," I heard him chuckled and was soon braced with his presence on the bed with me, he rarely used the top one because he was a lazy fat arse, but I'd succeeded in making him move,  
>"Now what?" I shrugged,<br>"I don't know, I just wanted to be on top," he gave me a dirty smile and suddenly I found myself pinned down by the wrists,  
>"Too bad, I always be on top. Remember that would you?" I rolled my eyes and gave him the same expression,<br>"Can't I have a bit of a say?" he shook his head and we heard a car door shut out the front, "Cindy's here," we both chuckled,  
>"Let the games begin."<p>

Bradie's P.O.V

I hopped up and reached the door right as she knocked, I opened it up to see her with her hair all out and in small denim shorts and a bright turquoise tank top.  
>"Hey," I smiled suddenly feeling more confident yet also slightly nervous,<br>"Hi," she chewed on her lip and I invited her inside, I walked into the kitchen getting tow cans of Coke as she made herself comfortable, everything was going well, that was until Shaun and Andy decided to have some fun, I hadn't even heard them come down the stairs but I knew that voice anywhere,  
>"Did you know Bradie has this major Spiderman obsession, like you should see his room, Spiderman <em>everywhere<em> and I mean everywhere,"  
>"Andrew get out," I muttered as I re-entered the lounge room, Cindy looked a little shy next to him and I sighed as I sat down next to her, "Andrew, leave, <em>now<em>," he rolled his eyes and stood up,  
>"I was only trying to help my loyal brother Bradie, but I suppose my attempts have failed, I shall be upstairs, goodnight."<p>

Andy's P.O.V

Phase one; complete, Shaun high-fived me as I came up the stairs, "When do we start phase two?" He shrugged and we linked arms walking back to my room, "Wait… what is phase two?" I queried as I sat on my bed,  
>"Well," he began, straddling my waist as he did so, "It will destroy my reputation at that school, but I don't really care," my mind began coming up with ideas and I sensed Shaun could read them as he started to move back and forth on me with a slight smirk,<br>"Stop it faggot," he smiled and did as I told him, "You whore," he looked at me offended and moved off,  
>"I'm the whore? Excuse me we were together a day and you're the one who wanted to fuck," I shrugged and pinned him down to the floor, an audible thud coming from the sound of us hitting my carpet,<br>"I'm older than you, I have excuses," he rolled his eyes,  
>"Being older does not give you permission to be hornier than I am, and I can tell you are, you're highly sexually frustrated by my god like appearance," I sat up and it appeared we were in the same position as we were at the park,<br>"You are not god like, I am god like," he smiled and lifted himself up resting on his elbows, "  
>"Can't spell Diviney without divine Andrew," it was good seeing him so happy and cheerful, it was times like these I forgot what he'd told me, out the corner of my eye I saw his scars though and was reminded of it all. I leant down and pressed my lips to his hoping that I would distract him from his past pain, I hated how he hurt himself; I honestly did.<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

_Commence phase two_, I thought to myself as I pushed myself up further, my mouth still locked with Andrew's, I broke away and drew in a small breath, "You ready for phase two?" he tilted his head to the side and rubbed his neck,  
>"Of course, but it depends, what's phase two?"<p>

Bradie's P.O.V

"So you're a Spiderman fanatic eh?" She asked as Andy walked back up the stairs,  
>"Yeah, he's my favourite superhero, I have a lot of Spiderman stuff," she nodded and cracked open her can,<br>"I'm kind of like that with the music I like," I smiled, I didn't really see what was wrong with her, she seemed like your normal girl,  
>"What? Justin Bieber?" I couldn't help it, I had to ask, she started laughing and I suddenly felt stupid,<br>"No, no, All Time Low, they're my _major_ obsession," we heard a massive thump upstairs and both of us froze,  
>"I swear I'm going to kill that dickhead one day," I didn't know what had caused it but she grabbed a hold of my hand,<br>"It's alright, you're a lot different to the other boys I've gone out with actually, I'll forgive you if your brother screws everything up," I was unsure of how to react, what did she mean I was different? What was I ugly, retarded, was it because I have a gay best friend? Oh wait, she didn't know Shaun was gay… "I mean, like, every guy I've been with, I've asked them out, or they've only wanted me for sex, but you… you seem different. A lot of them make accusations and don't let those disappear," she looked up and smiled at me, a genuine smile, with her mouth and eyes, I couldn't help but smile back,  
>"So… want to watch a movie? Your choice," she began shuffling her feet on the floor,<br>"Do you have… Scott Pilgrim?" I was shocked to say the least, I was excepting something completely different,  
>"Duh, I'll put it on, want anything to eat whilst I get up?" she opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by moans from upstairs,<br>"Oh god Andrew," _Shaun_,  
>"I'm going to kill them both," Cindy started laughing and I felt a brief smile dint into my angered expression,<br>"Put the movie on first and we can drown those two out," I nodded and quickly put the DVD in,  
>"Press play, I'll get Shaun and Andy to get us food," she nodded as I walked upstairs, Andy's door was closed and all I could hear was moaning and I did not like it one bit, "I'm not opening that door because I'd rather not know what you two are doing, but first off, Shaun I think Cindy now knows your sexuality, two, could you guys take a break from whatever the hell you're doing and go get pizza?" I heard Andy mumble yeah but wasn't too sure whether he was actually talking to me or Shaun, regardless I didn't want the visuals, "Come down when you two are… presentable,"<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Shaun's P.O.V

Poor Bradie,  
>"You're good at faking that stuff you know," I shrugged,<br>"It's a talent Andrew," he chuckled,  
>"More like the feminine side of you, after all it's a known fact women can fake orgasms," I rolled my eyes and got up brushing stray bits of carpet off my jeans,<br>"Are we presentable?" he shrugged and licked my cheek,  
>"Now you are, we can go," the two of us linked arms and skipped downstairs, we were insane, and mainly because of how we were trying to ruin any chance Bradie had with Cindy, mostly just to screw with Bradie, "Oh brother Bradie!" Andy chimed and we tried not to laugh,<br>"What do you two want now?" he growled over the back of the lounge, I saw he had his arm over Cindy's shoulder,  
>"We came to ask what you wanted for dinner," I replied in a sing-song tone,<br>"Pizza," they answered simultaneously, the two of them seemed rather content watching Scott Pilgrim, so content that Andy and I were able to slip out the front door without them even noticing, I whipped out my phone and texted him a short message hoping to interrupt the pair,  
><strong>We've left lovebirds, remember, if you fuck; use a condom ;) <strong>

Bradie's P.O.V

"Bradie, your phone," I groaned reaching over to check why it vibrated,  
>"Bloody Shaun, I'll kill him," she let out a small laugh and looked over to see the message,<br>"He really is strange isn't he?" I nodded, "Is that why he has only you and Andrew?" I shrugged,  
>"I don't know, he's a bit anti-social at times, there's a lot of personal baggage that he carries so he finds it hard to make new friends, plus Geoff and Leon are complete arseholes to him almost <em>all<em> the time,"  
>"I can make them stop," I blinked at her in surprise,<br>"They'll bow down to my every words Bradie, the perks of being known as the school slut," she added sarcastically at the end,  
>"A-are you actually a slut though? Oh my god I didn't mean to make it come out like that," she smiled sadly and shook her head,<br>"It's fine, I'm not by the way, it's only a rumour, have you ever seen Easy A?" I shook my head no and she shrugged continuing, "Basically it was all a rumour that Beau's brother Jay started, he was in the same year as your brother actually; he said that when he and I spent a night together we fucked, only because I broke up with him _that_ night. He tried to ruin me because I was the first girl to break up with him not the other way around, so it got around, 'Cindy Parker had sex with an older boy' it spread and spread and then guys would do as I asked, I figured that out after I asked out Geoff actually. But guys used that rumour to my advantage and tried to get in with me, they tried to make me do things and when I refused they'd kick up a stink and I'd dump them. I wore pretty dresses and skirts to fit in with the persona and my friends followed, mind you if I changed now they'd all abandon me." I was in a state of miniscule shock,  
>"Wow, so what are you <em>really <em>like?" she smiled and leant her head on my shoulder, her fingers playing with mine,  
>"Skinny jeans, band shirts, graphic tees, converse and joggers, pop punk music, hardcore occasionally, I'd rather watch Scott Pilgrim or Donnie Darko than some chick flick, unless it's Disney, my god I'm a sucker for Disney," I let out a laugh and she looked up at me,<br>"So you're basically the perfect girl?" _did I seriously say that?_ A perfect heart-warming smile was still on her face,  
>"If you say so then yes, I'm Bradie Webb's perfect girl," the two of us sat there in a serene silence, it was comfortable and I felt a smile still on my face,<br>"So um… what's going to happen Monday?" she stirred from her tired state and sat up rubbing her eyes,  
>"What do you mean? And where are those two, I want food," I chuckled and handed her the box of Oreos, "Thank-you,"<br>"No problem, I'll answer the second question first, no idea, and they probably will come in announcing their arrival so we'll know. The first question, will you talk to Shaun and I or not because we could ruin your 'image'?" she scoffed and chocked on part of an Oreo,  
>"I don't care to be honest, I'd rather be happy with you two than stuck being a plastic Barbie doll with them,"<br>"Thank-you," I whispered and she suddenly kissed my cheek,  
>"No need to thank me, you're a good guy Bradie, it's a shame I didn't try to ask out Shaun and get you instead earlier," I rolled my eyes,<br>"That's only because Shaun's—"  
>"Gay?" I blinked,<br>"I guess you could tell that couldn't you?" she nodded,  
>"The whole 'oh my god Andrew' and moaning gave it away, don't worry I won't tell anyone, I promise." I pulled her into my arms and we felt comfortable together once more. Without any warning the doors burst open loudly,<br>"WE'RE BACK MOTHER FUCKERS!" Cindy and I burst out in laughter and we saw Andy piggy-back Shaun into the dining room, "Well; are you going to come eat?" he asked the two of us and we got up to follow them out there.

Shaun's P.O.V

"Bradie and Cindy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Andy and I sang in the car,  
>"Wait, wait, I have one," I nodded and let him sing as we rounded the corner, "Shaun and Andy sitting in a car, are they fucking?" I smirked at what he implied,<br>"Yes they should be," he groaned, "What, isn't that what you wanted me to say?" he nodded, "Then why were you groaning? Did you orgasm over the thought of my sexy body against yours," I had to admit the two of us were definitely high on life at that moment; I was the craziest I'd been in almost a year,  
>"You ruined the song, it didn't rhyme," I shook my head and fell back further into the seat, "<em>In this place we lie cutting slightly in vain, hoping and praying you'll remember my name<em>," I heard him mutter quietly to himself,  
>"Stop singing my own song to me," he looked down and smiled,<br>"You know I care about you don't you?" I nodded, "One day can we _not_ fake it? Could we actually like, make out," I scoffed,  
>"Horny fucker, but one day maybe, like, I'd be all, 'fuck yeah let's do it now' but no, I'd rather wait a little, I don't want to rush anything; you're one of the best things to happen to me Andrew, both you and Bradie. If it weren't for you I'd probably be long dead, rotting underground in a wooden coffin, a dusty grave no one would visit, but I'm not am I? I'm alive and it's because of you," he grinned and we got out of the car,<br>"Please never die okay? Just… don't," I nodded,  
>"Promise you, <em>but <em>I need you, so don't disappear on me either."

We sat across the table from Bradie and his lover girl as I was nicknaming her, Andrew had his hand in mine under the table and we constantly brushed our legs against each other, luckily their parents had gone out tonight, hence it just being the four of us. My mind felt blank at that moment, I had ideas in my head for songs to write, mainly ideas I'd come up with because of Andy, I was also trying to figure out when he could come to my house and it be empty, that'd make him happy, the horny bastard could have his dreams come true if he wanted. I was dreading Monday, I had a science double and P.E all in the same day, three periods with Geoff and Leon, maybe they'd kill me and I wouldn't have to put up with them anymore. I felt the sensations start in my wrists again; a sly grin etching onto the left side of my face,  
>"What's so funny Shaun?" Cindy question and I snapped back into reality,<br>"N-n-nothing, just nothing," I managed to stutter out with probably as little breaths as possible. My chest started to feel tight and I gripped harder onto Andy's hand, "I… I have to go," I lied through my teeth; Cindy looked at me confused as did Bradie. I dropped Andrew's hand and walked towards the door,  
>"Want me to drive you home?" I shook my head and opened the door, the cold air suddenly hitting me like a punch to the gut,<br>"I'll walk, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I shut the door behind me before they got a chance to respond, I needed to be alone and with my thoughts as scary as they were at that moment. I walked to the park and stopped, I just sat there, on the grass and stared up at the sky, my breath transforming into foggy clouds in front of me, my phone vibrated vigorously in my pocket but I ignored it, the cold air whistling around me. I felt my temptations begin to subside and my mind's inner conflicts ease, my phone vibrated again and I groaned feeling obliged to at least pull it out, '2 New Messages'  
><strong>Shaun are you okay? Tell me the truth, why did you leave?<br>Shaun, please reply. You're scaring me. **I sighed and let my back fall onto the grass, would he become a wreck if I were to disappear also? I would have never thought so. But obviously I'd hurt him a little, then again I'd probably hurt Luke _a little_, and my dad _a little_, same with Bradie and my Mum, Liam and possibly even Nan, maybe Cindy after tonight. But that's all it'd ever be, _a little_, a little and no more. I was sick of feeling not good enough to be honest, fuck I needed sleep, sleep erased my problems, rendering me unconscious for around six hours. I sighed getting off the dewy grass and continued walking home, the door was unlocked for me in a matter of moments and I went straight to my bed, my eyelids falling with their heavy load and my world turning black.


	14. Chapter 14

_I awoke at the park in confusion, the sky was a pale lilac and the swings croaking even though no breeze was present,  
>"Confused are you?" I knew that voice; it was… it was my <em>own_. My head snapped into the direction of the voice, my voice. It was me, but it wasn't, but it was if that makes sense, it _was_ me, a kiddie smile, daggy track pants and a tattered white shirt, old me, like back from year seven, "What happened to me Shaun?" I blinked at me confused,  
>"What do you mean? I mean… whatever, what…" He… I laughed and came towards myself, I was confused beyond belief, I then came to the conclusion I was dreaming,<br>"We used to be so happy, what happened to us? Where did I go…" he pushed up my sleeves and the two of us looked at my scars, "Why did I do this?" I shrugged,  
>"I don't know,"<br>"YES YOU DO!" He snapped, "You do, I share the same mind as you, I can tell you know," I sat there in silence, "Tell me, why,"  
>"I was sick of not being good enough," he shook his head and ran his fingers over my scars, they opened up and I was met with unbearable pain,<br>"Tell me the whole reason," tears began to fall from my eyes in pain, this wasn't a dream, it was a fucking nightmare,  
>"It-it was mum, and dad, I felt like they didn't love me anymore," he continued to drag his fingers over my skin making it tear apart, bloodcurdling screams were coming out of my throat,<br>"What else, why else did I do this?" my past self growled as the blood began to pool on the grass, "WHAT ELSE," he shouted and I reefed my arm away from him,  
>"I… I figured out I was gay, the shame and humiliation was too much," he smirked as if pleased and stood up,<br>"You know what will happen to you in a few years?" I shook my head holding my arm close to my body, the blood soaking into my jacket, darkness surrounded him and I saw my actual self in front of me, my age, but with fully black eyes and wild hair all over the place, "You'll be dead," he whispered and my surroundings went dark, the sky cracked open and it began to rain silently, the only sounds were that of my own cries. _

I shot up in a cold sweat and checked my arms, nothing, just the same burning sensation as always, tears sat dry on my cheeks, a nightmare, that's all it was, just a nightmare. I looked over at the time, 2:35a.m, not even close to sunrise; I didn't know if I'd attend school, could I? I was more of a wreck than usual at the moment; it might not be same, well for me at least.

Andy's P.O.V

"Bradie hurry up!" He groaned and came down the stairs, I was impatient this morning, I wanted to check on Shaun, "Bradie!"  
>"I'm coming, jeez," he shouted back and appeared in the hallway, "Happy," I nodded,<br>"Yes, let's go," he followed me out lethargically to the car, we pulled up the front of Shaun's house and there was no car in the driveway as usual, his parents often left for work early. I slammed on the car horn several times and waited a while for him to come out, nothing. I repeated the process three or four times and still nothing, fuck. My heart started to beat rapidly and I panicked,  
>"Maybe he just isn't coming today," I took of my belt and got out of the car ignoring Bradie's comment,<br>"SHAUN, SHAUN ARE YOU COMING," No response, I was starting to fear the worst, he wouldn't have… no, no. I walked over to his bedroom window and knocked a few times, his blinds were pulled shut and I was full on worrying. "Shaun please, answer me," I heard something fall over inside, it sounded like metal hitting the floor, "SHAUN," I screamed at the top of my lungs,  
>"Andy…" he mumbled and I knocked on the window repeatedly, suddenly the blinds were reefed open and I sighed in relief, "What are you doing?"<br>"School," I replied calmer than I expected, "You-You scared me, I-I thought you'd… you'd…"  
>"Killed myself?" he answered bluntly with a tinge of a smirk. He was scaring me at that moment, it was the first time I was ever truly worried for him, that gut-wrenching feeling of loss, the fuzz in your head with slight whispers of the words you fear, 'they're dead'.<br>"Are you coming today?" he shook his head,  
>"I'm not feeling up to it, I'll text you later if you want, I'll probably message Bradie to find out what work I missed," I nodded my head stiffly and walked back to the car.<br>"Is everything okay?" Bradie queried and I nodded; but the real question was _is_ everything alright?

Shaun's P.O.V

I think I'd terrified the shit out of Andy, he'd looked like he'd seen a fucking ghost; then again he _had_ seen me. He was freaked I could tell, especially when I said I wasn't going to school, he thought I'd killed myself. Little did he know the metal dropping _was _in fact a blade, a razor blade, I'd pulled one out of mum's razor and dragged it on my arm. The sound was made as I dropped it muttering 'fuck', more blood had come out than I intended, there was a bunch of tissues wrapped around it to try and pacify the flow of blood. I pulled closed the blinds sighing, my head beginning to feel light and funny, I pressed play and suddenly Jersey by Mayday Parade began,  
>"Cause Jersey colder and I'll have you know I'm scared to death, that everything that you had said to me was just a lie until you left," I felt myself relax but forced my mind to keep me awake, I wanted to avoid another nightmare as much as possible. My own words from it scared me shitless, 'You'll be dead'; I was terrified to say the least. Would I die? If I continued down this path it seemed possible, so possible I actually shook at the thought, "I need to distract myself," I shot up and grabbed my guitar, songs began circling in my head again, in the back of my head… wait… A smile braced my face and I started strumming the chords, "<em>Are you lost without me, are you better off dead, you should keep it all here in the back of my head,<em>" I smiled pleased with myself and continued to play and compose, maybe this was the key to me keeping my sanity, song, _it's better than going insane_.

My phone rang as I put the final touches on the song I'd written that day,I'd named it 'Back of My Head' seeing as if it weren't for me thinking of that line there'd be no song, "Hello?"  
>"Shaun? Hey, it's just me; Bradie," I didn't need him to say that, the only people in that school with my number were him and Andrew, my family had no need to call me and Andy sounded nothing like him,<br>"Yeah and…" I felt really snappy towards him, I didn't mean to,  
>"I was just calling to see if you were okay, maybe you want to come over tonight?" I went to say yes as a sudden pain shot through my arm, <em>the scar you idiot<em>, I couldn't; I couldn't scare Bradie nor could I worry Andy,  
>"Nah I might stay home, if one of you wants to come around later to check up on me you can, but I wouldn't advise it, Dad wouldn't be too happy," he hummed in agreement,<br>"Andy will probably call you later, what happened this morning? He's been all quiet and jumpy…" I stared at the half-healed scar on my arm from earlier that morning, it was bigger than the rest but that didn't really mean much when it came to my scars,  
>"N-nothing happened, I just freaked him out when I appeared at the window, bye Bradie." I hung up not giving him even a second to respond. It was only about five o'clock; my parents weren't due home for at the <em>least<em> another hour, my arm began to itch but I couldn't seem to move, it was like I'd shoved myself in some sort of paralysis. "I need help…" I whispered to the darkness around me, I needed to go to school the next day whether I liked it or not, hell was better than being trapped within my own raging thoughts.


	15. Chapter 15

"SUNSHINE, MY ONLY SUNSHINE, YOU MAKE ME HAPPY, WHEN SKIES ARE GREY," Andy sang at the top of his lungs as I trudged out to the car, I didn't particularly _want_ to attend school, but I needed to in order to save myself if that made any sense. I rested my head against the glass window the entire car ride, Bradie Mumbling on about some Spiderman thing he got the other day, I didn't care, I didn't really care about anything lately except for me and Andrew, then again… just Andrew. We pulled up outside the school and Bradie almost leapt out of the car, I however felt like I was carrying a tonne of bricks in my bag, "Shaun," Andy whispered to me just before I got out,  
>"Yeah?" my voice cracked as I spoke, it sounded as if I'd been crying,<br>"What happened to you, why the sudden change?" he was still whispering and I felt a brief hint of a smile brush my lips,  
>"I'm depressed Andrew, you know that, sometimes it takes the smallest thought to trigger a set of emotions, sometimes it just happens though, like now; nothing has really occurred but I feel like fucking death." He blinked at me absentmindedly before I got out of the car, Bradie waiting up ahead, "Come on, let's get into the fiery jaws of hell," my sarcasm was bitter but my entire personality had seemed bitter that morning. I don't remember exactly what had set me off, the fire in my arm wouldn't cease throughout first and second period; I spent all of English with my head buried down in order to avoid deathly glances, recess didn't calm me as much as it should. I sat with my legs up on one of the seats staring aimlessly down at the ground, I heard the laughter before the kicks began, the seat rocked as Geoff and Leon threw their feet towards my bag and legs knocking me senseless and onto the ground. Fuck I was sick of them, I snapped, I knew I'd snap one day, "Fuck off you cunts! I'm fucking sick of you!" Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes and the pair of them stood there looking at me shocked, I dried them away with the sleeve of my jumper and headed towards the toilets,<br>"Shaun, Shaun are you okay?" _Cindy? _Disapproving sounds came from her group as she approached me, "Shaun what happened?" I saw Bradie come out of the canteen and start to proceed towards us with a strewn expression,  
>"Shaun what happened?" he repeated her unheard words,<br>"Geoff and Leon," I croaked out before continuing on my path, I kicked open one of the cubicle doors and sat there on the seat, my head looking down at the floor and my breaths heavy, some year seven kid stopped in front of the door and my head shot up staring him down. Judging by his reaction I probably looked like some menacing serial killer, I needed a release; no, I needed help, this was the worst downfall I'd had and I needed a way out. _Andrew_,  
><strong>I need help… I'm scared and vulnerable and stuck in this fuck hole of a school for the day. I'm sorry for scaring you yesterday, I need your help. I'm terrified Andy, terrified of myself. <strong> I leant forward and slammed the door shut as tears began to fall down my face, the bell would ring for third period soon but I honestly couldn't care less if I was locked in that bathroom until lunch. The walls around me were a stark white, same with the tiles and the roof, it was as if I had cracked it and gone to a mental asylum,  
><strong>Tell me what's in your head, I won't judge you<strong> I scoffed at his reply,  
><strong>Yes you will. If it's scaring me it'll sure as hell scare you.<strong>  
><strong>Just tell me Shaun. <strong>I sighed; there was no use in arguing with him, I'd only face defeat in the end,  
><strong>My head's been filled with darkness, one tiny trigger set it off, Sunday night at your house when we were at the table I thought about the possibility of Leon and Geoff actually killing me. That's what did it; I can't get the darkness out this time. It's even in my dreams, my arm burns like hell and I feel like theres a monster inside me trying to claw its way through my chest. I feel like death and this time the feeling won't budge<strong> I stared at the text I'd typed on the screen as I pressed send, my head lolled back against the door and I heard someone walk in,  
>"Shaun are you in there?" <em>Bradie<em>,  
>"Y-yeah," I let out quietly, nothing but a weak pathetic whisper, he stood in front of the door waiting for me, I shuffled myself forward and pulled it open, I felt like a failure at that moment, Bradie looked down at me worriedly,<br>"Are you going to be okay for the rest of the day?" I shook my head no and felt the tears creep back, Bradie leant down and grabbed my phone; handing it to me, I whispered a small thankyou as I got up off the tiles, "Maybe you should go home," I sighed feeling at a loss for words, my body collapsed onto the ground, "Shaun… why did you come today?" I rolled onto my side not giving a fuck about how unhygienic the floor was, the cold tiles making my face chill,  
>"I was scared of being alone," my voice was still a mere whisper, my phone vibrated and Bradie reached towards it,<br>"It's Andy, here I'll show you," he opened the message and angled the screen towards me,  
><strong>Is Bradie helping you? You'll be okay, but please tell me honestly, what was the metal clanging yesterday morning?<strong> I closed my eyes tightly and groaned,  
>"Text him back for me, say 'Yeah he is, and it was a razor'," he nodded even though he hadn't read the message,<br>"Done." He slid it into my bag and I smiled,  
>"I should probably get up hey?" he shrugged,<br>"Either that or get locked in here until lunch time," I smirked and forced myself upwards, "Cindy was worried about you by the way," I rolled my eyes,  
>"As if," he smiled as we headed out into the canteen, Cindy just around the corner,<br>"He didn't believe me when I told him," she rolled her eyes,  
>"Of course not, because that's what everyone is lead to believe," she responded staring at Bradie with a gentle smile, her head turned to look at me and worry washed immediately over her face, "Are you going to be okay?" I shrugged,<br>"No fucking idea as of yet, sorry," she smiled and locked arms with Bradie,  
>"As long as you're still alive at the end of the day, that's what matters Shaun."<p>

I spent that afternoon at home, Andy wanted to check on me several times so I finally caved and asked Mum, of course her response was a yes, she'd picked up that something had made me distraught and being the caring figure she was she easily obliged.  
>"Can you please stop staring at it now," I begged, his eyes hadn't strayed far from the scar I'd made the day before and it was beginning to get unnerving, "Please," my voice was still a croaky whisper,<br>"I'm sorry, it's just… there's something about it that makes me want to look at it… why though?" I scoffed,  
>"Why I did it? Because I'm a mental wreck, why it's so beautiful and terrifying, I'm still trying to figure that one out,"<br>"Shaun," I heard Mum shout front the front door,  
>"Yeah," it sounded like a cat dying as I tried to shout back,<br>"I'm going out to get some dinner, let me know if you need anything whilst I'm gone," I nodded and looked at Andy telling him to shout back,  
>"He says okay, his throat hurts that's all,"<br>"Thank-you Andrew, have fun you two." We heard her shut the door behind her and shortly after the car started, a dirty smirk crawled onto Andy's face,  
>"Oh lord what are you thinking…" I murmured and he dragged himself closer,<br>"I was thinking of making you feel better, but if that's not an option…" I rolled my eyes and continued drawing the guy off the cover of 'The Black Parade' in my sketchbook, "What're you drawing?" I didn't answer him, mainly because he was using the little three year old voice, he crawled closer until he was leaning right over the sketchbook which happened to also be right over my crotch. "What is it Shaunie?" I sighed still not answering, and I wouldn't if he kept using that voice, "What is it?" I looked up at him from under my fringe and he smiled, "What is it?" he asked again in a whisper. I rolled my eyes and put the sketchbook onto my desk with a Frisbee like throw, "You never told me what it was," I shrugged, "Why aren't you speaking… do I have to force you to?" his eyes were crazy and I didn't need to look down to understand he was once again the horny fucker he was,  
>"No Andrew." I spat at him bluntly and he pouted,<br>"I was only going to try and make you smile," I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek gently,  
>"Better?" he shook his head,<br>"No, you're still not smiling," I genuinely had a brief smile appeared and he applauded like a seal,  
>"Oh my god you're retarded," he shrugged and got up brushing some form of dust off his clothes,<br>"I'm hungry, how long until your Mum comes home?" we heard a car drive past and got excited thinking she was home. A car door shut and footsteps were heard coming up the driveway, "Food," Andy said excitedly, I shook my head and grabbed him by the wrist, "What?"  
>"Not food," he raised an eyebrow and I groaned pulling him back onto the bed, "It's my Dad, he comes home this time everyday… except Tuesdays, he works later," he nodded slightly unsure of why I seemed so worried, "He's the reason of why I cut in the first place, he abuses me remember? I'm worried what he'll think of you being here,"<br>"So I should hide?" I shook my head even more,  
>"No, I'd rather him see you here than he find out you're here, I'd get in less shit if I'll get in any," he slowly nodded and sat with his back against my bedroom wall beside me,<br>"So… what are we going to do when he comes in here?" the front door opened and I heard the disgruntled sounds of my father, my heart began to skitter in somewhat fear,  
>"We'll find out soon," I whispered and pulled out my laptop handing Andy one of the earphones, 'Pretend we're watching something okay?' I wrote on the screen and he nodded as I pulled up whatever my mouse happened to be on, The Lion King, eh, whatever floats your goat.<br>"Shaun, are you home?" he shouted and I cleared my throat,  
>"Yeah," it still felt like razors scratching at my throat but for once I didn't enjoy the sensation of cutting. Footsteps came up the hall and I tensed, Andrew's hand diving for mine and his thumb circling my palm in attempts to calm me down,<br>"What's _he_ doing here?" I swallowed hard,  
>"He wanted to come over this afternoon, Mum said so," he nodded, his eyes darting from me to Andrew and back again, it was then I realised we were still holding hands and I hastily let go,<br>"How long is he staying?" I shrugged,  
>"My parents said I can stay as long as I like, I can take Shaun to school and pick Bradie up on the way if you wish," my Dad continued to stare to two of us down and I felt highly violated, I was glad the room was dim otherwise he would have seen my scars and I could have guaranteed that wouldn't have ended well,<br>"When your mother comes home check there's enough food for him as well," I nodded, Mum would have gotten enough to include Andrew, she knew he was here. Dad nodded back and walked down the hall and into the lounge room before turning on some sport channel,  
>"Well that was um… awkward to say the least," I sighed and shut the laptop screen,<br>"Yes, the least, it could have gone worse if he saw my scars or us holding hands," I saw him smile in the darkness and smiled back,  
>"I made you feel better though, right?" the two of us let out a low laugh,<br>"Yeah, yeah you did. So are you actually going to stay the night?" he nodded and I got up to turn the light on,  
>"I have stuff to stay,"<br>"In the car?" he shook his head,  
>"Nope. What I have on," I rolled my eyes,<br>"So your singlet, jeans and hoodie, okay, whatever," he grinned and patted the bed for me to sit back down, "I wrote a new song the other day, I needed to keep my mind occupied,"  
>"Otherwise…?" he questioned and I shook my head defensively,<br>"You wouldn't have liked what was going on, don't worry," he scoffed,  
>"I will <em>always<em> worry and care, don't try and stop me," I rolled my eyes and grabbed my laptop once more,  
>"Here, listen, I recorded it onto here, 'In This Place' is there as well so you can have it all the time," he smiled gently and slipped in one of the earphones.<p>

Andy's P.O.V

I was glad to make him happy, but the whole 'don't worry' thing sometimes irritated me, he should have known by then that I'd always care for him. He clicked onto a song titled 'Back of My Head' and a slow intro began, piano? Oh wait, he recorded it,  
>'<em>It's a late night; and he comes home,<br>He thinks of her; she's all alone  
>Watching T.V by an open window, he wonders if she knows,<br>He thinks only he knows,'_ I continued listening as the song went on, the lyrics like a symphony of his emotions, pure and raw, the way he wrote so beautifully scared me at times. I feared for him, for his safety, sanity, for him in general. I looked over at him, his eyes filled with terror as to what I would think of it,  
>"Shaun, you shouldn't be so scared okay? I'm here for you, and it's beautiful, of course, please, just, stop worrying," he sat there motionless and I took out the earphones before I leaned towards him tilting my heads to kiss him as if it would take away his worries. He began to kiss me back but pulled away sharply, "What?"<br>"My Dad, I don't want to risk him finding out…" I pulled him into me and wrapt my arms over his shoulders,  
>"I'll keep you safe okay? No matter what, you'll be fine." He nodded against my chest and we both sat there for a brief moment until his Mum came home with food.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Shaun's P.O.V

I sat in my room with my headphones in blocking out the world, I'd gone clean for about two months now; personally I felt a lot better and I mainly had to thank Andy. However that could have all ended the way the week had been going, Liam was staying the week, just Liam, Luke was off on camp or some shit so we only had Liam. I wish we didn't, he was sitting in front of my door watching me intently, his eyes staring at the scar on my arm from when I used the razor back when what felt like forever.  
>"Can you not?" he smirked at my harsh tone,<br>"Not what?" I groaned and pulled out my earphones,  
>"Not stare at my arm," my voice still as harsh and stern as before, he continued to look at me with that penetrating glare,<br>"Shaun, are you an emo faggot?" I stared back at him with a blank stare, _fuck_,  
>"Why would you think that?" he smiled and the shakiness in my voice,<br>"Because of your arms, look at all those scars, they can't _all_ be naturally occurring," I groaned,  
>"Fuck off," he shrugged and stood up,<br>"I'll tell Dad when he comes home," I rolled my eyes, he had no proof. I picked up the home phone and dialled Andy's number, my mobile had run out of credit, I wish it hadn't, I was always nervous calling him from my home phone,  
>"Yes mister Diviney?" I chuckled and heard him repeat the sound on the other end,<br>"Can you not call me that please?" he scoffed,  
>"What should I then? You still won't let me call you my boyfriend, it's rather irritating," I smiled,<br>"Because so far only you, your parents, Bradie and Cindy know that I'm gay. Look I need your help, I need a cover up story, Liam's going to tell Dad about my scars, I need a story to say," there was silence as he thought hardly, I swear I could hear My Chemical Romance in the background,  
>"What's the worst that could happen if they found out you did it to yourself?"<br>"KNEW IT, YOU'RE AN EMO FAGGOT!" I felt my stomach drop,  
>"HANG UP THE PHONE YOU LITTLE FUCK, STOP EVESDROPPING ON MY FUCKING CONVERSATIONS!"<br>"Shaun, language! Liam, hang up that phone!" It was one of those times I suppose I was grateful for my mother, Liam tried to protest but lost in the end, Mum came up the hall and stood in my doorway, "Shaun, who are you talking to?"  
>"Andrew…" I murmured,<br>"What Liam said… is… is it true?" I nodded slowly; I had not planned them to find out this way at all, never about my cuts,  
>"Are you… are you mad? Disappointed in me?" she shook her head and came to sit on the bed,<br>"I'm worried about you now, not about you being gay, I'm accepting of that, it's perfectly fine with me, you're still my son and I love you. Just, be careful when your father comes home, he won't ask you, he'll believe Liam straight away, pack some things, just in case he kicks you out, Andrew would let you go to his house right?" I put the phone on speaker,  
>"Andy, if Dad kicks—"<br>"I heard, and yes, of course, no doubts about it." Mum smiled and put an arm around me, a stray tear rolled down my cheek and she wiped it away,  
>"I love you Shaun, you know that, maybe I never showed it the way I should have but I do."<br>"Why are you saying this, why now?" she sighed and pulled me into her,  
>"Because I have a very good feeling your father will kick you out of this house," I nodded,<br>"You're not mad about my cuts?" she shook her head,  
>"No, how could I be mad? I feel responsible,"<br>"No; it was Dad, and Nan, and school, never you; you didn't hurt me at all." A few tears managed to make their ways down her face and mine, I wiped them away with my sleeve as did she,  
>"I… I have to get dinner ready, don't worry, Liam will be punished <em>severely<em>," I smiled and gave her a tight hug which could possibly be our last,  
>"Thank-you Mum, thank you, and I'm so sorry, for everything. But I suppose what I'm most sorry for is not spending enough time with you," she smiled as she walked out my doorway,<br>"That's okay, I loved you anyway." I picked the phone back up and turned off the speaker,  
>"You going to be okay?" his voice was laced with concern,<br>"Yeah, I am for now, when Dad comes home it'll be a different story," my hands had begun to shake as I stared over at the time, "Which will be in about half an hour, I may turn up at your front door soon." We both let out a small sarcastic laugh,  
>"At least you know you'll be safe eh?" I smiled and looked at my reflection in the mirror,<br>"Yeah, I will be. Look, I… I should probably hang up seeing as he'll be home soon,"  
>"Alright, bye Shaun," I hung up and continued to stare at my reflection, how could Andrew care about me so much? How could anyone care about me so much? I was a wreck, a disgusting horrid wreck. Maybe it was because they pitied me, wanted to make fun of me, it was some master plan to break me down. What if once I'm living with Andy he doesn't feel the same anymore? I won't be able to escape, I'll be trapped just like I was in my original home; stuck with no way out. I sighed and looked down at my floor, fear and darkness clouded my thoughts once again, the blade on the top of my bookshelf gleamed in the light and seemed so tempting but I couldn't, I'd been going so well, I didn't want to ruin that. A few tears escaped down my cheeks and I got up slamming my door shut, I wanted to scream, I was terrified and hating myself. I collapsed onto my floor and stared up at the ceiling trying to calm my frantic mind, I needed an escape, but not the way I always did, it wouldn't help seeing as Liam was going to tell Dad I was a fucking emo shit. My eyes glanced over to my arm and the deep scar running through the middle, I don't know what got into my head; my nails began to hack and scratch at it until it was red and raw, parts of it glistening red in the light, tears streaming down my face yet the monster within rejoicing with the pain. I heard a car door shut outside and snapped out of my masochistic bliss,<br>"Fuck," I began to swear over and over again, under my nails was dried blood and my arm had red streaks running brushed down it. I grabbed my jumper; wetting it with my water and began to rub the evidence off. My heart rate began to increase as I heard the keys jingle in the front door; it opened up and I heard Liam run up to greet Dad home, _won't be long now_. I pulled out my backpack and threw in whatever I felt I need, underwear of course, all my band shirts, favourite hoodies, skinny jeans, sketchbook, pens, pencils, school stuff and finally my guitar, iPod and phone.  
>"Shaun," my father's voice boomed as the door swung open and I threw the last of my belongings into the bag; kicking it under my bed to hide it, "Show me your arms," I refused and he stared me down with laser like eyes, I couldn't form words to come out of my mouth, I was stunned with fear. "Shaun, pull up your sleeves, <em>now<em>," I shook my head and cowered against my bed, he reached down and picked me up by the wrist before pushing down the sleeve, his eyes washing over with anger and disgust. There was a thud as I fell to the floor and the tears started to return, "You fucking piece of shit, where's your phone?" I pulled the back out and unzipped it slowly, once located; I threw my phone along the floor towards him, my body shuddering as I cried, I knew he was going to read my messages, most were to Andy, actually the first two hundred in my inbox I think were from him, "Stop crying you piece of shit," he growled and snicker as he read through my messages, "You are an emo faggot like Liam said, I should have never let you stayed here, you should have been shipped off to Nan's with the other two." I didn't know what to say, what _could_ I say? "Get the fuck out of my house; you're a disgrace, a fucking disgrace. I always despised you and you've just proved to me that I should, you're a fucking emo and gay, get out." I grabbed my bag and he literally threw me back my phone hitting me in the stomach; I did as he said and got out of there as fast as I could. As soon as I had credit I'd text my mum, her and Luke were the only biological family who cared for me but I'd never see Luke again if I wasn't in that house, I doubted I'd see mum to but that was the way things would have to be unless I wanted my father to try and dispose of me.


	17. Chapter 17

I reached the door and knocked lightly, it opened up and Bradie looked at me strangely,  
>"You okay?" I shook my head,<br>"N-no, I-I got kicked out, A-Andy said I could come stay here," he nodded and brought me inside giving me a small hug, it was very unlike him to do to me but I guess he felt it was right.  
>"Andy! Get down here," he ran down the steps and looked at me with a mixed expression, he was dressed in his tracksuit pants and the same singlet he wore to my house that other time. It was as if the world went in slow motion as he ran towards me; I dropped my things and wrapt my arms around him. He held me close as if I were going to fade away, he pulled back and looked me up and down; the back of his palm wiping away my dried tears,<br>"You're safe okay, you'll be alright, I promise you." I nodded unable to speak somewhat and we took my stuff to his room,  
>"D-do your parents know I'm staying?" he shook his head,<br>"But I'm pretty sure they'll let you anyway, it's pretty obvious how much I care about you so they're unlikely to turn you away."  
>"Oh yeah…"<p>

Andy's P.O.V

"Andy! Get down here," I practically leapt out of my chair in front of my computer and bolted down the stairs, as I guessed Shaun was standing there looking like he'd just been to hell and back, oh wait, he had just experienced the wrath of his father. He dropped his bag to the floor with his guitar as I ran towards him and held onto him for dear life, I wanted to take away his pain and suffering so bad, so, _so_ bad. My eyes venture to the redness on his arm and I pulled back wiping away his tears,  
>"You're safe okay, you'll be alright I promise you," he nodded shyly, his gaze distant from the world around him. The two of us carried his things upstairs and into my room, I placed his guitar in the corner as he pulled a hoodie out of his bag,<br>"D-do your parents know I'm staying?" I shook my head and smiled briefly,  
>"But I'm pretty sure they'll let you anyway, it's pretty obvious how much I care about you so they're unlikely to turn you away,"<br>"Oh yeah…" his voice sounded hurt, _fucking hell_ I wanted him to feel better so much. He'd been going so good for the past month or so and now it was all ruined, he'd been high up in the clouds but gravity finally caught up with him. I didn't want to sound conceited in my head but I couldn't help it, he was probably jealous of me at that moment, my parents had been so accepting when they found out about my sexuality, his, no. His mother was but to his father it was as if Shaun had been diagnosed as the fucking Satan reincarnate. I sighed and patted the spot on the bed beside me,  
>"Listen, your father is a cunt, we know that, but I care about you, Bradie, Cindy, our parents, your mother, even Luke care about you. You have people who will help you and support you no matter what okay? You're in good hands now," he nodded and rested his head on my shoulder; I put my arm around him and pulled him closer, the two of us sitting there in a quiet comfortable silence. "Is your arm still hurting?" he nodded slightly, "I'll be right back," I walked into the bathroom and grabbed one of the towels; dampening it with some of the cold water, "Pass me your arm," he was highly silent except for a few painful draws of breath as I rubbed it over his skin washing away the dried blood.<br>"Thanks Andy, I'm sorry," my eyes snapped up,  
>"Sorry? Sorry for what?" he swallowed to hold back tears and shrugged,<br>"I'm kind of a burden on you really, and disgusting horrid burden. I'm ashamed of myself really, all of me, I self harm and that scars my skin; it makes me look even worse than I did before I did it, I'm a hopeless wreck and I'm so fucking dependant on you and Bradie to keep me going," I left the towel on the floor and pulled him up off the bed,  
>"Listen, you need rest okay? You've been through a fuck load of trauma just then, you need to sort your head out," he looked at me and leant in slightly pressing his lips to mine, I kissed him back and we pulled apart; a slight tinge of crimson on his cheeks,<br>"I'm sorry, I just… I wanted to do that," there was part of a smile on his face which caused one to appear on mine before I remembered what I was doing. I pulled back the covers of the bottom bunk and whacked the pillow a few times,  
>"You, sleep, now, you need it." He nodded and saluted me as he wriggled into my bed; I pulled the covers over him and he laughed,<br>"You really know how to make me laugh don't you?" I scoffed,  
>"Of course I do, and I'll wait until you fall asleep." He rolled over as I sat on the edge and mouthed a small thank you before drifting off to sleep.<p>

About an hour later he'd finally fallen asleep, I could tell because when I asked if he wanted dick he didn't laugh like he had the past two hundred times, I didn't leave him though. I felt highly protective of him at that moment but he looked so innocent and peaceful as though nothing would be able to harm him as he slept. There was a light knocking on my door frame and I turned around to see Mum looking at me with a confused expression,  
>"Why is Shaun here?" I was surprised she knew seeing as my lights were turned out but then again there was all his stuff laid out on my floor pretty much,<br>"Got kicked out," I whispered and she nodded,  
>"Is he asleep?" I smiled and shook my head yes, "What's the towel for?"<br>"He had blood on him so I cleaned it off," I didn't need to worry about saying that even though she might have been suspicious, I could easily cover up with the fact his father was a homophobic and heartless arsehole,  
>"Okay well, when you and Shaun are ready you can come downstairs, we're having KFC for dinner," I looked over my shoulder at Shaun and back to Mum,<br>"Thanks, when he wakes up we'll come down." She nodded once before turning and going back down, I tried to think of different ways I could wake Shaun up, straddle him; blow in his ear; grab his crotch; whisper something to him, yes; _but what?_ I leant over so that I was right next to his ear and grimaced in the dark light, "Wake up, I've been, watching you," he shot up immediately,  
>"Fucking hell!" he stared straight ahead before noticing my presence and giving me a deathly glare, "You bastard," he muttered and I grinned,<br>"We're having KFC, I thought I'd wake you up," he rolled his eyes,  
>"Popcorn chicken?" I shrugged,<br>"Most likely, as long as I can call shotgun on all the nuggets," he pouted and I ruffled his hair,  
>"But KFC ones are like twenty times better than Maccas," I shrugged and got up, Shaun following suit,<br>"Maybe you can have a few, we can do a trade." He smiled and grabbed onto my hand as we walked down the stairs.


	18. Chapter 18

Shaun's P.O.V

Andy was actually right, sleeping helped a whole lot, my headache had disappeared along with the darkness and thankfully it had been a dreamless sleep meaning no nightmares, not until Andrew quoted Frank right in my ear to wake me up,  
>"Oh hey Shaun, you feeling better?" Bradie asked as I sat down, honestly I felt better to an extent but I was feeling as good as everyone had hoped, except maybe Andrew, he wanted me to be smiling and that was happening,<br>"Yeah guess so, oh popcorn chicken," my hand dived right for it and I grabbed the entire box, "MINE!" Bradie and Andy's parents came into the room and sat with us, it felt weird having a 'family dinner' with what was now going to supposedly become my family but that was just the way things had been going.  
>"So Shaun," Bradie's Dad began as Andy and I traded nuggets with popcorn chicken until we had a satisfying amount, "Will you be sleeping in Andrew or Bradie's room?" Andy and I looked each other right in the eyes and then went back to eating,<br>"Answer your question Mr Webb?" he nodded, Bradie rolled his eyes at us and we heard a phone vibrate in the room. Suddenly Bradie whipped his out of his pocket and a goofy grin came on his face,  
>"Bradie got a text from his girlfriend," Andy sang and he and I laughed; Bradie looking slightly annoyed at the two of us.<br>"Shut up both of you," he growled and got up from the table,  
>"Did she send you more nudes?" he rolled his eyes and texted her back, "Can we see?" I punched Andy lightly in the arm and he grinned, "It's not like Shaun and I will get turned on,"<br>"She didn't send me nudes," Andy pouted and I laughed at his reaction,  
>"So what did she send you?" Bradie was starting to get irritated by the two of us, their parents were ignoring our banter as if we were little kids,<br>"A text, nothing sexual, just asking if she could borrow my blink-182 CDs," Andrew and I nodded slowly,  
>"She's DTF,"<br>"She wants the dick," the two of us smirked and went back to eating signalling the end of the conversation, Bradie grabbed a fork and stole a nugget off each of our plates, "No fair!" I protested and he smiled,  
>"Revenge is a dish best served as nuggets with sauce."-<p>

"And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuu!" Bradie stared at the two of us strangely as we continued to sing like idiots, we couldn't help it, we were having fun watching X Factor,  
>"They should choose us," Bradie chuckled at my suggestion, "I'm serious Bradie, they should, we'd be so good on that show,"<br>"You should actually audition Shaun," my head snapped towards Andy and he nodded, "Sing 'In This Place' or 'Back of My Head', it'd be worth a try," I shook my head fiercely,  
>"No way, not when a decent amount of people don't even like me," the room fell silent after that.<br>"We have school tomorrow don't we?" Bradie asked, it was obvious we did, it was a Sunday night so _clearly_ we would have school the next day. I wasn't looking forward to it, word would find its way around that I was kicked out, either that or I would snap for real and actually hurt Geoff and Leon. I'd get pleasure out of that for sure, inflicting pain on someone other than myself.  
>"Shaun," Andy waved his hand in front of my face bringing me back to reality,<br>"Sorry," I whispered and quivered against the back of the lounge,  
>"Bradie went upstairs whilst you were zoned out, he's gone to wank to some Spiderman," I chuckled lightly and rested my head onto his shoulder,<br>"Andrew, do you think a day will ever come where not even you could make me smile? Like I get into such a deep pit that not even you could bring me back out, I'd be stuck as an empty shell showing no emotions other than pain and despair," he began to stroke my hair to try and sooth me down,  
>"Sometimes yeah you could, but I try not to think about it, it scares me. If it happened to anyone I cared about it'd scare me," I nodded and curled up against him, "Sleep Shaun, you seem really tired," I shook my head,<br>"I'm not, I'm just… depressed I suppose. I feel sick in the stomach, my head's like a thunderstorm, and it's reckless and hurting," he sighed and I felt his chest move as he did so,  
>"You'll get better you know? You got better before, you can get better again, I know you can, I have faith in you Shaun," a gentle smile graced my face and I looked up into his bright blue eyes,<br>"Thank-you, at least one of us believes in me."

I trudged into the gates of hell, Bradie by my side, I felt sick in the pit of my stomach; nausea mostly, well that's what I presumed. My eyes started darting around the schoolyard, I was confused between what I wanted honestly; I wanted them to know I was gay, but at the same time I didn't. Bradie left to go be with Cindy leaving me to sit on my own, I slipped in my earphones and pressed shuffle, Simple Plan's 'Perfect' playing immediately, _hey Dad look at me, think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? _My breathing started to get deeper as the song went on, _but it hurts when you disapprove all along_, tears burned my eyes as I tried my hardest to keep them in, a few slipping out and rolling down my cheeks, _now it's just too late and we can't go back, _"_I'm sorry I can't be perfect_," I sung along with the last line staring down at my shoes, I saw a shadow stop in front of me and looked up,  
>"Hey you alright?" I'd seen the kid before but I didn't know who he was, I nodded and pulled my sleeve over my fingers wiping away the tears which had managed to escape, "You sure?" who was this guy? I swear I knew who he was, I just couldn't place it, he had black hair and a gentle smile, he didn't seem like he'd budge until I answered him properly,<br>"I'm getting there; sorry to ask but who are you?" he laughed quietly and thunder roared in the sky,  
>"Maybe the weather is making you feel a bit down, I'm Beau by the way, Beau Taplin," I nodded,<br>"I thought I knew who you were, we have maths together," shock flashed in his eyes,  
>"Three unit?" I nodded and he gasped, "Oh you're Shaun Diviney, I didn't realise," I scoffed,<br>"You'll probably want to leave me alone now, won't want Geoff and Leon seeing you talk to the 'emo fag'," he shook his head,  
>"I actually want to apologise on their behalf, they're jerks Shaun, don't let them get to you," a miniscule smile appeared on my lips,<br>"Too late, you can go now, I have to go find Bradie anyway," he nodded feeling awkward I guessed,  
>"I feel like telling the pair of them to back off actually, you seem like you already have enough troubles, no offence. See you in maths Shaun," he waved back at me before walking in the direction he was first headed, I sighed, <em>don't cry in front of anyone you don't know, just don't cry at school at all<em>, I concentrated back onto my music and grinned at the fact it was now 'Dead!' by My Chemical Romance, I had a love for good music, it wasn't my fault.

**A/N** _Hey, I haven't added a message in since about chapter 2 I think, wow. I just want to take this opportunity to say thanks to everyone who has left reviews or spoken to me about it whether it be on my personal Twitter/Tumblr, my fanfiction one or here. Thank-you. Also, I never really mentioned the fact I use names of For Our Hero members; that kind of just happened. Lol. I apologise for the lack of updates on my other story _but_ I have two other ones on my iPod, one complete and on still a W.I.P. I will start posting the complete one A.S.A.P. So yeah… _

**Sway x**


	19. Chapter 19

"Good morning class, let's hope for today's lesson we can be brighter than the current weather we're having," I tried not to snicker at the teacher's comment, it was Science, sure I loved the subject but the people in the class wouldn't make me feel any better. I carefully kept my earphones hidden and listen to music throughout the lesson, my eyes grazing over the textbook in front of me, I was more intrigued for the current topic than the others, it was biology I couldn't help it, it was the whole reason I continued to take science. My fingers drummed on the desk in time with my music and I got the sense people were staring at me, I briefly looked up to see Leon looking at me with a snarl carved onto his face, whatever he whispered to Geoff I didn't really want to know nor care about. I was used to their antics by now, I reached down into my bag and grabbed a few chocolate Tiny Teddies popping them into my mouth, my eyes still locked onto Geoff and Leon,  
>"Stop staring at us you faggot, go suck a dick," the teacher gave the two of them a death stare and I rolled my eyes,<br>"As if I'd ever be interested in you two anyway, you're both ugly not to mention complete twats," the classroom fell silent and I sighed, "Yes I can stand up for myself you idiots, just because I am gay doesn't mean I can't stand up for myself," people began to murmur and go back to their own conversations, the numbing ache was returning to my arm again and I sighed heavily glancing over at the clock, the bell would be going in twenty minutes and then I had music with Bradie and Cindy followed by maths which had Beau, why did I care though? Just because the guy asked if I was okay didn't mean he wanted to be my fucking friend, _get it together Diviney, he's best friends with Geoff and Leon_. The shrill sound of the bell awoke me from my thoughts and I slumped my bag over my shoulder before heading to A block for music. "Bradie," I called out and he turned around, Cindy heading off into the room, "What… what do you know about Beau Taplin?" he shrugged,  
>"Other than the fact that his brother was Cindy's first boyfriend and he's in her science class, nothing, why?" Huh, then why did he seem concerned for my well-being?<br>"N-Nothing, he was just talking to me this morning that's all," he nodded and we went up to the back corner of the room where Cindy was drawing in her notebook,  
>"I was wondering when you two would join me in her,"<br>"Look slut girl has her emo friends back," she rolled her eyes at the sarcastic voice which came from behind us,  
>"Wasn't that Lisa? Like, your best friend Lisa?" Bradie queried as we sat down,<br>"_Was_, they believe you boys have changed me too much, mainly because you and I have been together for about three months and done nothing more than hug and the occasional kiss," I shrugged,  
>"Their loss, you seem pretty cool, shame we didn't get to know the real you sooner," she smiled and pulled her fringe over the front of her face,<br>"Class," Sir boomed from the front of the room and I took my place next to Bradie in a flash, "I have an assignment to issue to you all today, it is worth 40% of your end of year mark and requires you all to have a song written of your own," Bradie nudged me in the ribs,  
>"Easy for you, you've already got two,"<br>"You will be required to perform it in front of your class mates and possibly the entire year if it is good enough," I shook my head and whispered back at Bradie,  
>"No I don't imagine if I had to tell the school," Bradie rolled his eyes,<br>"Use 'Back of My Head' then, there's nothing to implicate shit in that," I nodded,  
>"Good point,"<br>"Mr Diviney and Mr Webb, would you like to stay back at lunchtime?" the two of us shook our heads no looking like stunned mullets, "Then please refrain from talking whilst I explain the assignment," I pretty much zoned out for the rest of the lesson, it wasn't until Cindy began poking my shoulder than I snapped out of it,  
>"Shaun, why were you crying this morning?" her voice was a low whisper and I blinked at her confused, "Beau told me he saw you crying, is everything okay?" I nodded,<br>"Yeah just… Perfect by Simple Plan was so fucking relevant to my life, I couldn't help it." She nodded slowly and grabbed her books as the bell rang,  
>"I'll see you this afternoon; I'm going over to be with Bradie for a while," I didn't move as everyone piled out of the classroom, well I did eventually, just not straight away. Why would Beau tell Cindy he saw me crying? <em>Shut up Shaun, you're over analysing this<em>, I sighed and stood up making my way out and towards the canteen, I was yet again craving Sprite Zero,  
>"Shaun," I looked over my shoulder as I got the coins out of my pocket for the vending machine,<br>"Beau?" he nodded awkwardly,  
>"Good to see you looking better, did Leon and Geoff annoy you in Science?" I bent down to pick up the can and cracked it open, the hiss of fizz like a symphony,<br>"Well, yeah, but nothing out of the ordinary, just calling me a faggot again," Beau sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder,  
>"Listen to me, they are idiots, stupid, scared idiots. I know they're my friends but sometimes I question whether they're… you know," he coughed harshly muttering the word 'fucking' as he did so, I couldn't resist it, I laughed and he smiled, "So don't let them get to you,"<br>"I spoke back to them this morning you know, I told them even if I was gay I wouldn't fuck them anyway," Beau patted me on the back and headed towards the toilets,  
>"Good job Shaun, I'll see you in maths." He waved as he rounded the corner, what was happening? Why on Earth was Beau bothering with me, he was on top of the male social hierarchy, <em>it's probably just because he saw me crying<em>, I sighed inwardly agreeing with my thoughts,  
>"Most likely," I muttered to myself as I leant against the bricks of B block, I whipped out my phone and looked to see if I had any text messages, none, not surprising seeing as Andy had no need to talk to me via text during school.<br>"Hey look it's the faggot," I knew that drawl anywhere, bloody Leon and Geoff,  
>"Hey fag boy, why were you talking to Beau?" my head shot up, <em>what do they care about Beau?<em>  
>"I didn't, he spoke to me first, I barely said anything," Leon snickered at me and kicked my leg forcefully,<br>"He told us you were crying, don't try and make him a fucking fag as well," I groaned; tired of their bullshit and they kicked me again,  
>"I can't <em>make<em> him gay you know? Homosexuality isn't contagious or transmitted from one person to another, and what would you two do if I was actually gay?" the looked at each other for a moment and then looked at me,  
>"We'd bash the fucking shit out of you," Geoff's words were predicted, I stood up and brushed the dirt off my uniform slinging my bag over my shoulder,<br>"Well boys, I better run fast, because actually… I am gay," I bolted full speed ahead through the playground towards the library, a laughter erupting from within, I could hear them chasing after me but I knew they wouldn't go in the library. I rounded the back edge of D block after jumping down about six stairs, wow adrenaline can make you do shit,  
>"Shaun? What the hell are you doing, why are you so worn out?" I looked to my right panting with my hands on my knees; Cindy and Bradie were sitting cuddled together against the wall,<br>"Well… I told Leon and Geoff that I'm gay and now they're coming to bash me,"  
>"Where is the bloody homo?" Cindy let out a small laugh,<br>"You better start running again," I nodded and gave them a quick salute before heading off once more, I pretty much flew up the library steps and collapsed onto the ground with a gigantic grin. I dragged my bag off my back and walked through the doors, the world shifted pretty much; from the chaotic school yard to the quiet interior of the library it was really quite a—  
>"Shaun?" Okay this was getting weird, was this kid fucking stalking me?<br>"Beau, what're you doing here?" It was getting rather strange, I kept bumping into him, the hell was happening?  
>"It's nice and quiet here, what're you doing here?" I recovered my breath and rested against the door,<br>"You actually, you told Leon and Geoff that we spoke and well… they chased me after I told them I'm gay, rather amusing; not really. I'm bloody exhausted from running," he smiled gently and put a book back on the shelf.  
>"So it is true?" Wait what… <em>nice Shaun… nice<em>,  
>"What's true? That I'm gay?" he nodded and I did the same in response,<br>"Do you want them to know you weren't kidding?" I shrugged,  
>"I don't really care I suppose, it's just something they've rumoured, it'll continue to rumour and I can't be fucked to try and change that," he nodded slowly,<br>"Good logic Shaun, are they still chasing you?" I looked out the door and couldn't hear any footsteps coming,  
>"Nah I think they finally gave up," I got off the door and walked over to the back corner of the library and pulling out my phone, I heard someone come towards me and snapped my head up to look straight at Beau, "Why are you following me?" he shrugged and leant down to be at the same height as me,<br>"Because you're a good kid and I was hoping to maybe make you feel better by showing you that more people in this school care about you than Bradie and Cindy," I snickered,  
>"Nice try, you following me isn't proving anything." He looked a bit hurt by my words and I looked through my messages, one new one from Andrew,<br>**Hey Shaun, I have news for you but I'll wait until you get home to tell you** news…  
><strong>Give me a hint?<br>It has to do with your Dad. **He replied almost instantly,  
>"You okay Shaun? You look a little scared," I nodded,<br>"But I'm not telling you what about because I've known you barely a day," the bell rang loudly throughout the library and I got up, "But we can walk to maths together if you so wish," Beau smiled and we walked out the door to get our bags before heading to class.


	20. Chapter 20

"Okay I'm home now tell me the 'news' about my father," I air-quoted the words news and Andy looked terrified of telling me,  
>"Come to my room, I'll tell you there," confused I obliged and let him take me by the wrist and up the stairs, "There's three things, first; he packaged all your stuff and we can pick it up on the weekend because he's renting out your room, second; his words not mine; you're a fucking gay emo shit and he doesn't want to see you or talk to you when you go to pick up your stuff." I nodded, that was expected, at least I was getting my stuff,<br>"What's the third one?" he swallowed hard,  
>"Um… uh, your… your parents… they're getting divorced… and uh… he said… he said you're the reason," it was as if I felt the colour drain from my face,<br>"Oh," that was all I could say, oh, I felt like I was going to throw up, he couldn't be serious, I'd been out the house for about two weeks and now they're getting divorced, _no, it can't be true, no, no_. Andy wrapped his arms around me to try and make me feel better but it didn't really help; not even a little bit.

'Our' parents came home later with food but I told them I didn't really feel like eating, I wanted to hurt myself, I truly did, it was my fault; Dad had even said it was my fault. My arm was stinging and itching with temptation like all hell,  
>"Hey Shaun you alright?" Bradie stood in the doorway, I was on the top bunk just staring at the grooves in the cemented roof,<br>"I-I might get some fresh air if that's okay, I'll only go to the park," I heard him walk out of the room and I stared at the ceiling for a bit longer, I dragged myself out and down the ladder. Carefully I reached into my bag and pulled out the blade, why did I bring it with me? Oh, _this_ is why. I shook my head and slipped it into my pocket before walking down the stairs and out the door.

Andy's P.O.V

I went to call out to Shaun where he was headed but the door slammed shut before I could; Bradie seemed rather relaxed on the other hand,  
>"Where is he going?" his head popped up at the sound of my voice,<br>"He said to the park for some fresh air," I sat there frozen, possibilities ran through my head, no, _he won't do that, stop stressing, _"Andy calm down, you're as white as a piece of paper right now, look if he's not back in ten minutes call him or text him. Don't panic," I swallowed hard and nodded, _please be okay…_

Shaun's P.O.V

I grabbed the blade and looked at it in the dim light of the night sky. Stupid Andy and Bradie letting me go out alone in a mood like this. Naturally after you get kicked out of home due to something you can't change and then to be ridiculed at school you'd feel like shit and want to die. I snickered as I brought it down onto my arm, I began to drag it back and forth applying no real pressure at all, just a mind numbing activity causing no real harm that was until I pressed too hard on accident and snagged just below my wrist. That crazy smile dawned upon my face as the blood began to come out, sure enough the maniacal laughter followed. I became lost in the red coming out, something about it was wildly fascinating, I moved the blade along again developing a sudden need to see more of it come out. I knew it would scar bad, I knew it would hurt the next morning like all fuck. Every drop that came out was like one of the hateful things said to me, with each drop one thing was erased. I felt my depression ease and my eyes grow heavy; my phone buzzed beside me and I had a good feeling it was Andy. I didn't respond, I sat there and felt my head become heavy and like a dead weight, my arm started to grow numb and tears fall from my eyes,  
>"Shaun, Shaun is that you?" my eyes dragged themselves open, Beau? <em>What the fuck?<em> "Shaun what happened?" what did he mean what... _Oh. Fuck_; I scraped my arm closer to my body to hide it from him, what was he doing out here anyway? "Did you do this?" I nodded with the strength I had,  
>"What're you doing here Beau?" I croaked and he brushed away my hand which had a protective grasp upon my incision,<br>"I was on the way home, I live just down the street from here, well more like two streets away. I went to get Maccas for me and Jay, my parents are out for their anniversary," I continued to look at him perplexed and spotted the paper bags behind him, was this Beau attempting a friendship? As if; but then again, maybe it was the start of something, "You okay Shaun? Want me to help you home?" I nodded,  
>"Bradie's house, I-I live their now, I-I got kicked out," wait did I just tell Beau that? What harm would it have done though, he'd seen me cutting myself.<br>"Alright, come on, I'll help you walk there okay?" there was no use fighting against it, Beau was going to help me regardless, ever since he saw me crying at school that morning it's as if he's tried to make friends with me; why though? There's no point. We'd all be out of there in a few months and on our separate ways. I kept my head low and on the ground, "Just wait," he paused outside a red brick house which I presumed was his, "I'll duck inside and give these to Jay," I nodded weakly and dragged up the sleeve of my jumper; hissing in pain as the fabric run over it,  
>"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered and breathed a sigh of relief when it was up high enough, blood fresh and dried was over my forearm and it looked like I'd been mauled by some demon dog or some shit.<br>"Yeah whatever, I'll be back later, look if I'm not just I don't know, put my nuggets in the microwave or some shit," I reefed the sleeve back down at the sound of Beau's voice and almost screamed in agony, "Okay Shaun, you ready? What street are they on?" I told him and we started walking again, my head felt blank and dark at that moment, I think Beau could tell as well and not only because of the gigantic awkward silence that took place between us. "Shaun," I looked over at him through my fringe, "I… I know we've only known each other a day but I'm kind of really glad we kept stumbling into each other, I've discovered there's a lot more to you than I ever thought. You're damaged and I can't help but feel somewhat responsible because I let Leon and Geoff get away with what they did to you," I scoffed and shook my head,  
>"Don't Beau, I mean they had a bit of an impact but majority of it was due to my father not you or them." He nodded and put his arm over my shoulder,<br>"You listen here though, if those butt hurt idiots go near you ever again, I've got your back, and so does Cindy. In science she never shuts up about you and Bradie, she says you two are the best things that have happened to her in a long time; I felt like you deserved more of a chance than you were given, that intensified when I saw you this morning, and now… I just never realised how badly hurt you were," we finally reached the front door and Beau knocked lightly, I was still clutching my arm tightly,  
>"Oh hey it's Shaun, so glad you— Beau?" beside me he nodded and Bradie let us both in, Andy ran straight up to me and was practically crying,<br>"Shaun you fucking scared me, I called you and texted you but you didn't do anything, don't ever scare me again like that, please," I nodded shyly and he helped me up the stairs and into his room; letting me sleep on the bottom bunk.

Bradie's P.O.V

Andy ran straight up to Shaun and it was like one of those reunions in movies, once they were out of the room I turned to Beau who was still standing there,  
>"Why are you here?" he seemed a little confused by my asking,<br>"I went to get dinner for me and Jay, I walked past the park and saw Shaun there with blood over him and a razor in his hand, what would you have done Bradie?" Beau made a good point, he'd pretty much saved Shaun for us, I stuttered out my sentence unsure of what to ask,  
>"L-look, we should probably thank you somehow, do you want to stay for uh dinner or something?" Beau stood there feeling about as awkward as I did,<br>"I'd um, I'd have to check with Jay first because our parents are out, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind, probably surprised I have friends other than Geoff and Leon." The two of us still stood there a bit longer in an awkward silence, Beau Taplin was in my house, the popular guy Shaun and I never spoke to, Beau Taplin had found Shaun trying to kill himself in the park, I was confused to say the least,  
>"Bradie!" Andy shouted from upstairs and Beau nodded letting me know I could go help, he'd probably call Jay whilst I was upstairs.<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

**To Bec, when Shaun has his rant I want you to read closely. I love you.**

* * *

><p><span>Andy's P.O.V<span>

"Okay almost there and yay! Now lay down on the bottom bunk and take off that jacket," he chuckled slightly at my demands,  
>"Don't try and sound any more like a rapist," he muttered and we both laughed, he began to hiss in pain as the fabric dragged over his cut, <em>holy shit<em>, it was the worst I'd ever seen on him, "Don't cry Andy," it only registered to me that tears were settling in my eyes when he said that, I breathed deeply and went into the bathroom grabbing some bandages and a wet towel,  
>"This will sting, I have a really good feeling it will," he nodded and I started wiping away the dried blood; he let out a tiny yelp and bit down on his lip, "I'm so sorry," he shook his head,<br>"I should be sorry, I was an idiot to do it, I just… it felt right," he hunched over as the towel went over the cut, "Fuck," he whimpered and I took a hold of his hand,  
>"I won't leave you all night, I don't care what people think," he nodded keeping his eyes on the floor, "Bradie!" I heard him come up the stairs relatively quick, "Get me some scissors so I can cut the bandages," I didn't turn to face him but I sensed he was there like I sensed he went to get them for me. He walked back into the room and passed them to me, "Is Beau still down there?" I questioned as I began to cut the bandage into strips for Shaun's arm,<br>"Uh yeah, I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner, it's the least we can do, he pretty much saved Shaun for us," I nodded and saw a brief smile appear on Shaun's face, it was hard to tell; I was always too damn lazy to turn the lights on.  
>"Yeah true, except we already ate dipshit," he nodded once in embarrassment and walked back out of the room, "Almost done I promise," Shaun smiled weakly as I put the last strip onto his arm, "Better?" he scoffed and shrugged,<br>"It still hurts a little," I joined him on the bed and kissed his cheek lightly,  
>"Want me to make you feel better?" a genuine smile braced his lips,<br>"Last time you tried did I let you?" I blinked into the darkness,  
>"Point taken,"<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

I tried my best not to pick at the bandage as Andy sat beside me, I tilted his face to look directly at me and lightly pressed my lips to his,  
>"Maybe you can help a little bit, just a little," his teeth reflected the light from outside as he cheekily grinned and pinned me down onto the bed, "You're a bit too excited I think," he shook his head and began to rock back and forth,<br>"Am not, you might be a little though," my brow creased and I looked down, _bastard_,  
>"I'm feeling shit okay, obviously I'm easily turned on when I'm feeling shit," he bent down and his lips attacked my neck, a brief sigh escaping my lips,<br>"You're funny," I lifted my knee up to hit him in the crotch, "Ah fuck, what was that for!" I chuckled and rolled my eyes,  
>"For being a bitch," he frowned and I saw Bradie appear in the doorway, his eyes widening at the sight of us,<br>"Do you want me to—"  
>"No, much to Andy's distaste; we were just finishing up," Bradie nodded awkwardly,<br>"Well Mum and Dad said they're getting Chinese, Beau's allowed to stay so yeah, see you two soon then…" I nodded and Andy was still looking down at me, his legs either side of my waist,  
>"Bye Bradie," I looked back to Andy as he went down the stairs.<p>

"You feeling okay Shaun?" Bradie's Dad queried and I nodded, Andy placed his hand on my leg and smiled at me, Bradie shuffled awkwardly in his seat, I don't think he was all that comfortable after the Beau encounter,  
>"We really need to thank Beau though," Andrew began quietly, "I-I don't know what I'd do without him honestly," his parents smiled at his comment as did I, "Shaun, I need to talk to you, alone,"he stuttered out; I nodded at him and he got up going upstairs,<br>"What do you reckon it's about?" Bradie queried across the table,  
>"No idea, I'm a little worried though," Bradie shrugged,<br>"He probably won't yell, he doesn't seem in the usual mood to yell," I nodded and sighed,  
>"Be back soon," I pushed open the door and turned on the light; Andy was sitting on the bottom bunk,<br>"Sh-Shaun, I… I don't want you to ever scare me like that okay, ever again, I'm tired of seeing you hurt yourself; it hurts me too you know, it hurts me because I'm always at a loss of words to say and I just… I feel like I fail you and it's a terrible feeling. Please, just, don't _ever_ do it again, I'm begging you," he looked up and his eyes were red and teary, a sickening feeling in my gut had started to develop,  
>"I won't do it a lot anymore, just one or two more times," his face contorted in confusion,<br>"W-why?" he croaked out and I shrugged,  
>"Once on my stomach and then on my leg, that's generally were people do it, I want to see what it feels like there," he scoffed at the carpet,<br>"It's like a game to you is it? Don't you see how you're hurting those around you from it?" I nodded,  
>"Yes I do, it's almost as if I can feel them all slipping away, hence why I still do it, I don't know why if it just causes them to slip away further. It's becoming a game to me though, to the sick twisted part of my mind it's a game, can I make it bleed? How can I make the pain worse? Will people notice if I do it here? It's terrible though, I can't kick the habit, whenever I feel shit it seems the easiest way to ease all my troubles; trust me I wish it wasn't. I look at myself and I'm disgusted, all I see is this monster, scarred from battle and it makes me just hate myself even more, I <em>hate<em> it Andrew, I absolutely hate it, but at the same time I love it, I don't know why. I guess it gives me an adrenaline rush, I used to have panic attacks but they weren't like this. This is somewhat fun as sick as it sounds, the panic attacks weren't. I haven't had one for about a year but they were hideous, I'd start shaking, my chest would go tight, I'd have trouble breathing and I'd be terrified of myself, I wouldn't be able to keep my head on straight. You say you don't help me Andrew but you do, you help so fucking much it's not funny anymore. If it weren't for meeting you I can _guarantee _I would be dead, _guarantee_ it; dead and gone for sure. But I'm not, and you know why? Because of you; sure you might not be there everytime I absolutely need you, but you do help me still, why? Because I know that at the end of the day I have you still here, you won't abandon me no matter how bad I get or how bad I'm hurt. You're always there, and I guess that's what lead me to love you in the first place, _you never leave_, and I honestly need you in my life and I'm sorry more than anything, I'm so sorry for doing this to you, I want to stop though. I want to so bad." By the end of my 'speech' he was staring at me still with tears running down his face, I would admit some had started to run down mine too, I'd never said that to him before, but it all came out; and I was glad it did, I truly was.  
>"Shaun… I… I love you too and you know that, I'll… I'll never leave you, I promise you." I went and sat on the bed next to him; resting my head on his shoulder, I just began crying; I couldn't stop. I hadn't cried that much in so long, not since I'd tried to kill myself for the first time, I'd forgotten how good it felt to let it all out.<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

I sat there with my head on his shoulder for most of the remaining night,  
>"Don't leave me, promise me you won't leave me ever," he stroked my hair and nodded, I felt strangely calm for the mood I was in, the feeling of his chest rising up and down with his breaths calmed me tremendously, we heard someone walk up the stairs but neither bothered to move at all,<br>"You two okay? You've been up here for a while and are awfully quiet," the two of us smiled at his mother's concern.  
>"Yeah Mum, just… relaxing, Shaun wasn't feeling too well before so we've been sitting here," I took a hold of his hand and felt my heart practically flutter. It felt so right, sitting there with Andy; he hadn't even abandoned me when I told him all the shit that was in my head earlier on. I guess he is right for me, after all not <em>everyone<em> would be able to put up with me the way he has. "Shaun, Shaun," I snapped out of my dreaming state and Andy kissed me gently, "You feel a bit better now?" I sighed,  
>"Yeah, kind of, better than I did before if that's what you mean, I'm still sorry,"<br>"Stop apologising," he muttered, his thumb rubbing circles into the back of my hand,  
>"I am though, if I didn't do it in the first place you'd have never been so upset," he slapped me across the back with a scowl I could tell was fake, "What was that for?" Andy rarely had a good slap in him but fuck he'd got me good just then,<br>"Because you're blaming yourself, stop it. I'm fine, you're fine, Bradie's… Bradie's Bradie; but everyone's okay, and that's all that matters." I decided there was no use in trying to argue with him, I'd scared him too many times, I'd hurt him so much; my arm burned with pain as the thoughts ran through my head,  
>"Andy…" I murmured,<br>"Yeah what is it?" I stared at the bandage on my right arm just below my wrist,  
>"It itches," the two of us laughed for no reason and I went down onto my back, Andrew followed suit and we laid there next to each other looking at nothing but wooden planks for what felt like forever. "You know Andy, usually I hate silence, I need music or something, some sort of sounds… but with you, I-I like the silence, it's comfortable."<br>"_The silence scares me 'cause it speaks the truth_," Andy sang tilting his head side to side,  
>"Where have I heard that before?" he chewed his lip in anticipation before answering,<br>"It's from 'Sober' by Pink," speaking of pink that's the colour his cheeks turned when he finished, I'd have to remember to turn the lights on more often; it was a rare sight to see Andrew Clemmensen blush,  
>"You faggot," I chuckled,<br>"Look who's talking dipshit, you were gay first," I raised my eyebrow at him questioning what he meant,  
>"You make it sound like a race," he smirked,<br>"Maybe it is, maybe the sooner you figure it out the sooner you adjust. I still find it a bit weird, stereotypically I'm meant to like girls, it's weird to think sometimes that in reality that's not the case," I rolled my eyes,  
>"Fuck society, look Andy; if this is what your heart and your mind wants you'll get used to it. It might take some times to adjust but fuck what everyone else thinks okay?" he looked over at me and smiled, taking my hand in his once more,<br>"Thank-you, we've both really helped each other today," I nodded and brushed my fringe out of my eyes,  
>"Is it just me or has today dragged on <em>really<em> slow?" he shrugged and hummed a small yeah, "I blame Beau," Andy laughed and sat up,  
>"Beau?"<br>"Yup," I groaned pushing myself up with just my left arm to avoid any pain searing through my wrist, "Beau, he kept bumping into me today and I don't know who else to blame so I blame Beau." Andy sighed in disbelief at my idea and stood up walking off towards the bathroom,  
>"You Shaun are one strange, strange man… but I fucking love it."<br>"Fucking love it or love fucking it?" I shouted in his direction; his laugh clearly heard down the hall,  
>"We haven't fucked so I can't really judge, sorry."<p>

"Hurry up or I'll be late," Bradie called from downstairs, Andy took the scissors in his hand once more and cut the final piece of new bandage on my wrist, Bradie and I knew what to say if people other than Cindy or Beau asked, 'I tripped over and smashed the beer I was drinking and my wrist landed on one of the glass shards'; it seemed believable.  
>"I'm coming you fat fuck," I sighed and stood up, Andy taking a hold of my hand as we walked down the stairs,<br>"Be careful today, please," I nodded and kissed him gently; the three of us heading to the car,  
>"Shaun are you sure you're going to be alright today? After all last night you kind of…" Bradie's sentence hung in the air, <em>kind of tried to commit suicide<em>,  
>"Yeah I… I should be fine, I have you and Cindy; plus I got new credit on my phone and if I'm that desperate for someone I have Beau," the car pulled up outside the gate and my mind went blank. I got out of the car and a feeling of security slipped away from my body because I'd left Andrew, but I had to head on, I couldn't just leave… could I? "Bradie go ahead, I'll meet you in there," he gave me a sharp nod and continued walking, I spun around and got into the front passenger seat of the car, "I'm not going to school, I can't." I threw my bag over my shoulder and onto the backseat, Andy took his hand in mine,<br>"You don't have to if you don't feel you can, do you want to do something today though in order to distract yourself?" I sighed and nodded, I felt a lot better almost instantly because I was with Andrew. He started up the car and began to drive home, "You can get changed first though, I doubt you'll want to go anywhere in your uniform," I let out a low chuckle and went inside to get changed; he and I headed through the back door like a pair of ninjas. I undid my shirt and let it fall to the floor before slipping on my black My Chemical Romance tee, I could tell Andy was still in the room and a small smile was on my face,  
>"Get out so I can put my jeans on,"<br>"Nope," he retorted popping the end,  
>"You bastard, seriously, I'm not changing into my jeans until you leave," I heard him walk further down the hall and hastily switched my school pants for black skinny jeans and my shoes for my red converse, "Alright mother fucker let's go," he was nowhere in sight and my brow furrowed wondering where he was, "Andrew, oh Andrew, where oh where is Andrew?" suddenly he sprang out from behind Bradie's door the hood of his Himynameis jumper pulled over to cover half his face,<br>"Rawr!" I stumbled back a little and we both laughed, "Scared you for once instead of the other way round," we were still laughing as he took me by the hand and we walked back out to his car remaining unnoticed by the adults.  
>"Okay tour-master Andrew; where are we headed?" I asked as we were once again driving down the road, All Time Low playing through the speakers of his shitty car. He sucked on his piercing looking out the rear view mirror and back at the road in front of us,<br>"MacArthur Square, there's a JB Hi-Fi and heaps of other good stores, plus a cinema I think,"  
>"Then what are we going to see and use as money because I don't have any on me?" he smirked as we turned a corner,<br>"The brilliance of being a golden child, I've got like five hundred dollars in my wallet."

Bradie's P.O.V

"Hey Bradie," I turned around to see Beau walking towards me rather distraught,  
>"What is it Beau?" my voice came out harsher than I meant it,<br>"I was just wondering where Shaun was and if he was okay after last night and everything," I looked around thinking Shaun was with me, _that bastard_ I sighed, he'd ditched me to be with Andrew,  
>"Yeah I'm pretty sure he's okay, I think he's spending the day with Andy; I'll let him know you were curious though, might make him feel better," Beau nodded uncomfortably and headed off towards his usual group and I off to Cindy, I was slightly unsure as to who I was trying to convince about Shaun turning out okay, Beau, myself, Andrew, Shaun himself? Shaun would never believe it though, he'd never been driven that far before as far as I knew. I just hoped he would be okay, I couldn't stand to lose my best friend.<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

"That'll be eighty dollars thank-you," Andy handed the cashier the money and we walked out with what I was naming our loot, two All Time Low CDs, a My Chemical Romance DVD and the director's cut of Donnie Darko, no idea why it cost so much but we didn't care. We were having fun, we'd gone into Jay-Jays and Factorie beforehand and got jeans and shirts, food because for the first time in once again forever I felt hungry,  
>"You know what I was thinking we should do tonight?" my head turned to look at him as we walked,<br>"Andy I doubt your parents would let us have a drunken riot in the house," he groaned,  
>"I would get them out of the house, Bradie would go to Cindy's which would leave you and I to get drunk and make out, it's a perfect plan right?" I blinked at him taken aback by his somewhat remarkable plan,<br>"You really have this planned out don't you?" he nodded grinning,  
>"And it won't be illegal because I'm already nineteen and you turn eighteen next week," I started laughing and he looked at me confused,<br>"Next week, meaning me drinking this week is technically illegal," he let out a small 'oh' in disappointment, "But that doesn't mean we can't," he literally did a jump and started clapping, "My god you're like a kid at Christmas," he took a hold of my hand and we were both grinning as we continued on our path towards the lift.

"What the fuck is this song?" I grinned and turned the volume up louder, Andy's face screwing up in distaste,  
>"It's called 'Yo Ho' by Blood on the Dance Floor, they're great," Andy snickered at my remark and I couldn't help but keep smiling,<br>"They sound like a bunch of faggots," I began to laugh uncontrollably smacking my hand on my leg to try and stop,  
>"They sound nothing like us," I looked at him and then back out the windshield,<br>"What… oh wait, COME ON! That was a low call," I started singing along to try and shut him up but that only ended with more weird looks, especially in the chorus,  
>"Yo ho-ho and a bottle we go; it's my duty to please that booty," out the corner of my eye I could see him trying not to laugh, I actually felt amazing for once, my eyes ventured down to the bandage on my wrist and for what I think was the first time in my whole self harm history I didn't get that surge of guilt and self hatred looking at it, instead I laughed. I laughed at the memories from just the night before of being so close to Andrew despite our mini-fight and how we were still together and mucking around like nothing had happened, I remembered comforting him and how good I felt for being the advisor not the advisee for once. I pressed the button on my iPod to go to the next song and Andy still looked at the play screen with a scrunched up face,<br>"How much of these guys do you have?" I shrugged,  
>"Just one album, I'll play you 'Candyland' that one's heaps good," he nodded unsure and I rolled my eyes pressing play. Laughter erupted from Andrew as soon as the first line began,<br>"Seriously? Oh my god all his songs are about fucking anal," I chuckled and came to the realisation he was pretty much right,  
>"No there's one or two about blow jobs I think, they're all about sex, and there's two guys not one." Andy shook his head in disbelief as we rounded the lights,<br>"They probably write it all from experience."


	23. Chapter 23

"Okay what time are they all due home?" I queried as Andy pulled the bottles out from the bottom of the fridge,  
>"I got Mum and Dad out until about one or two am, Bradie <em>wanted<em> to sleep over at Cindy's but isn't allowed because her parents reckon she'll try and fuck him," I scoffed as he handed me a bottle,  
>"Thanks, but seriously, who would fuck him anyway?" Andy shrugged and leant on the bench top looking into my eyes,<br>"No one, possibly Cindy though if he got her smashed; don't you try that idea on me," I smirked taking a swig of mu drink and setting it back down,  
>"I won't, I won't don't you worry."<p>

Bradie's P.O.V

I pulled my car up out the front of Cindy's and began the walk up to her front door knocking on it gently,  
>"Bradie!" she shouted and threw her arms around me, "I was waiting for you," she giggled and I gave her a light kiss on the cheek,<br>"I was waiting to get here, your parents home?" she sighed and nodded, the gentle smile fading from her face, "Hey no reason to be upset, I'm here, that's a plus. Are we allowed alone in your room?" she nodded and took a hold of me by the wrist,  
>"But we can't lock the door, but we can always shut it," she pulled the door closed behind us and I sat down on her bed; I leant over pressing play on her iPod dock, Mayday Parade's 'Kids In Love' playing instantly,<br>"It's a playlist it's on shuffle, just songs I like," she explained nervously tugging on her Pierce the Veil baseball tee, her voice clearly shaking,  
>"It's a good song calm down, come sit next to me," she smiled and pushed her hair back behind her ear,<br>"Did you know my Mum tried to convince me to change my outfit several times?" she finished off with a laugh and pulled up her shirt to just above her waist, "She reckoned these shorts were too short and that these stockings had too many rips, so she tried to make me wear a mini dress,"  
>"Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose?" she nodded,<br>"Pretty much, what do you want for dinner? I'm a whiz with Maggi Noodles," I grinned and pulled her into me,  
>"Then Maggi Noodles it is." By now the song had changed through to 'Vanilla Twilight' by Owl City and we began singing along quietly content with how things were and our hands laced together.<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

About half an hour later I was starting to feel a little light headed, we'd somehow discovered glow sticks and had them wrapped around our arms, both of us ditching our shirts to be able to wear more of them. The lights were practically off but we could still see due to the glow,  
>"Alright, alright, this time, if the cream's on <em>my <em>side of the Oreo, you have to marry… Beau," I gave Andrew a stern look with his suggestion, my grip tightening somewhat on the Oreo we were both holding,  
>"You fuck, then you have to marry Bradie," he almost spat out what he'd had of his beer whilst I was talking,<br>"Oh fuck no, that's like so retarded form of incest," I chuckled taking a another sip of my drink,  
>"Just twist the fucking Oreo," I slurred and we both began to twist our wrists trying to get the cream off, suddenly there was a snap and the biscuit fell to the floor,<br>"Fucking cheap shit," he muttered shoving what was left in his hand into his mouth; me doing the same.  
>"So what are we honestly going to do to entertain ourselves?" he shrugged and leant back against the armrest of the lounge,<br>"I don't know really, I kind of just wanted an excuse to have us alone and get drunk," I smiled and fell back against the armrest on my side,  
>"We could watch Disney movies?" I queried and he raised an eyebrow at me, "Or not, I don't know, I like them lately. They remind me of my childhood back when everything was simpler and okay; I had no scars, I didn't hate myself, my family wasn't all torn apart, I was straight which solved a lot of mental conflict… I'm rambling, sorry," my finger began to circle the top of my bottle and I blamed the alcohol for my unnecessary talk,<br>"It's fine, I understand why you'd want that I honestly do. I sometimes wish that I could go back in time, you've put me through hell lately Shaun, you've scared me so many times with thoughts that you've tried to kill yourself. Sometimes I won't sleep until late because I worry; I worry about you; like 'What if he did die?' 'What if I turned him away that first time he told me, would he still be alive and breathing today?' 'What must it feel like to have those thoughts, to be pushed so far as to put a blade against your skin and injure yourself to take away the emotional pain?' 'Will he ever be okay?'"  
>"Did you ever come to a conclusion?" I interjected slowly looking up at him, he sighed heavily and had another drink,<br>"No… not yet, sorry I just… it's the alcohol I think," the two of us laughed and I nodded,  
>"Yeah that's what I'm blaming too." We sat there a while longer, music playing in the background, off memory I'd shuffled all my Simple Plan songs, well Simple Plan were in it at least because 'Perfect' began to play and I felt tears start to form in the edges of my eyes like the last time,<br>"Hey Shaun you okay?" I sniffed back a few more and sighed,  
>"Yeah, just, this song… it's… it's so relevant and everything Andrew," he smiled gently and crawled over to sit right in front of me, a comforting hand finding itself on my knee,<br>"Do you want to do something to distract yourself? Why don't I put on Nightmare Before Christmas, that's Disney isn't it?" I nodded weekly yet he kept up the atmosphere with his smile, "I know it's around here somewhere, hah!" he triumphantly held the case above his head and I gave him a little applause, the drinks had made him pretty much crazy but they'd started to drag my mood down, I guess that's why alcohol is a depressant not a stimulant. He put the disc in and started walking back to the lounge humming the tune of 'This is Halloween', he hesitantly put an arm around me as if he were afraid I'd lash out, I turned myself to face the TV as the opening scene began. Andrew and I sang along with practically every song in the movie and laughed everytime a toy attacked one of the kids, my particular favourite being the un-dead duck with the bullet holes and sharp teeth. The two of us begun to tire quite easily after the movie, I think at one stage I actually fell asleep on Andy's shoulder, there was a rattling of keys and I shot up out of my dazed state,  
>"Andy, Andy wake up, someone's at the door," the two of us hid using the back of the lounge as our shield from the door; our heads just poking over the edge to see. It'd gotten dark and the only illumination was by the TV and our dull glows ticks, the door swung open with a forceful bang and the two of us screamed retreating down to be fully hidden,<br>"Are you two seriously _that_ drunk?" _I know that voice_, with a flick of the light switch mine and Andrew's heart rates decreased from their panicked level; we were scared by Bradie, of all people, fucking Bradie. He came and sat on one of the one seater lounge chairs eyeing us weirdly, "Why the glow sticks and no shirts, are you like the lost boys or something?" I smirked at his loose reference to Peter Pan,  
>"No, we wanted to wear more and shirts limited us, would you rather us put some on or are you getting turned on by your step-brother?" I reached for my drink off the table and finished the last few drops, Andy laughing beside me,<br>"I don't care and no I'm not," he snapped making Andy and I freeze,  
>"You okay little bro? What happened at Cindy's?" Bradie chuckled at Andy's question,<br>"Everything went fine, her parents love me but… there's something wrong with them. I'm worried to ask her but her brother seemed like he wanted to kill her Dad or something; her and me kind of got our own dinner and went back to her room for the rest of the night. She never mentioned her brother to me before either; it was so weird; he seemed highly agitated by everything." Andrew and I were still confused as to why he was so snappy but it turned out he wasn't done, "Cindy asked if she could ever stay here if something happened but when I asked what for she didn't really answer me, she just said her brother gets a bit moody at times and it's not safe, I-I'm kind of worried for her but I feel like I'm intruding if I ask too many questions," Andy smiled and cleared his throat,  
>"Listen Bradie, you said yes to her right?" he nodded, "So let's hope the day never comes where she needs to stay here but when it does you can ask her what happened and then ta-da! Problem solved," he nodded once more but a bit slower, I yawned a little too loud and tried to stop halfway through which only resulting in a mass coughing fit,<br>"I'm fine, I'm safe, I'm alive, fuck I hate those," I ruffled my hair and leant against Andy, "Is it okay if I use your shower? My hairs all yuck and stuff, plus well… yeah," Andy started laughing and I sat up,  
>"Duh dickhead, be careful though, you've used the shower before haven't you?" I nodded,<br>"Yeah but not intoxicated dumbarse," he rolled his eyes and pushed me up off the lounge,  
>"You'll be fine, I'll follow you upstairs anyway, I'll be in my room."<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

Andy's P.O.V

I let Shaun go up and get his stuff before heading into the bathroom, once I heard the water start I went and sat in my room just playing on my iPod to keep myself occupied as I waited. The running water sounded undisturbed for what seemed like a long time and I began to think as to what Shaun's actual intentions of going to the bathroom were, _no Andrew, stop thinking like that, calm down_, the pattern of the falling droplets stirred a bit and I sighed, he wasn't doing anything like that. It was all fine; I went back to my game and blasting off a few more heads of zombies and getting bit by zombie cats. Seriously what type of fucking game has zombie cats? Elevator Zombies obviously, there was a sound of falling metal like the morning at Shaun's house that one time and I froze, my iPod slipping from my hands and onto the mattress. I practically leapt off the bed and ran to the bathroom reefing the door open, "Shaun!" I was panicked and almost out of breath, Shaun on the other hand seemed strangely calm, blood was slowly running down his leg and mixing with the water at the bottom, "Shaun are you okay?"  
>"Get out Andrew," he muttered and turned to face the wall, I totally had forgotten he was naked, <em>fuck you're a real idiot<em>,  
>"I'm not leaving until I know you're okay, did you do that on purpose?" he looked down at the incision on his leg,<br>"Yes. Are you happy now? You can leave," his voice was bitter and I noticed the blade in his hand dripping slightly with blood, "Andrew," he snapped, "leave," I sighed shutting the door and walking back to the bedroom, what was I supposed to do? Staying there would only make him more agitated, I fell back onto the bed and lay there; my head swimming with nausea and I couldn't determine whether it was the alcohol or what I'd just seen.

Shaun's P.O.V

The blood continued to pool on my leg and all I did was stare at it. I didn't mean to snap at Andy, it just happened; after all I was kind of standing naked in the shower. I moved the cut under the running water and almost screamed out in pain from how much it was stinging, why did I even do it, _because it was too easy_, my breaths became shaky along with my hands and I fell into a ball on the bottom of the bath. I felt a stinging and burning began in my palm and carefully uncurled it to see the blade digging into the flesh, all I could see was red with hints of silver, I hissed painfully as I used my other hand to remove it; it'd managed to dig in pretty far. Wincing in pain I pushed myself up and was now sitting in the foetal position practically covered in blood. Was I finally going to succeed and die? I always thought about but no one ever really means it everytime they say it, at least I don't; I want the suffering to die, but I personally don't want to die. To no longer see the blue of the sky, to hear Andy's voice and Bradie's annoying interjections, to smart talk Geoff and Leon as best I could, to have pizza, watch movies, go out with the guys, listen to my music, play guitar, see Andy smile and blush in my presence. Tears came faster and I heard someone open the door once again; _they probably heard me crying_.  
>"Shaun is that you?" <em>Bradie; no fucking shit it's me, oh of course it's not Shaun, it's the fucking Loch Ness monster covered in blood in your bathtub, hi nice to meet you. <em>"Shit what happened?" I was too lazy to move so I just sat there with my knees against my stomach, water pelting down still onto my bare body covered in my own blood; I was ashamed of myself, but at the same time I was scared. "I'll go get Andy and he—"  
>"No." I croaked out and he blinked at me strangely, "He'll feel responsible for it, he came in before and I'd cut my leg; he tried to help and I pushed him away," Bradie nodded and leant on the edge of the bath,<br>"Want me to turn the taps off?" I shook my head,  
>"It's washing away the blood," my voice was a hushed whisper and Bradie seemed pale in the face, he probably had no idea what to do with me, no one ever did; not even myself.<br>"Do you reckon if I handed you your boxers you'd be able to put them on and then I can help you?" I wasn't bothered to protest and Bradie wasn't the type to take no for an answer like Andrew,  
>"Is Andy—"<br>"He's asleep already, it's okay, he won't know if you don't want him to,"  
>"I can't hide anything from him Bradie, it hurts me to not tell him, he'll find out, he'll take my hand in his and feel the scar or feel me tense up as he touches it; he's going to find out whether I like it or not. Sometimes I don't even have to tell him I've done it, he sees and he knows." Bradie sighed and nodded handing me my clothes,<br>"I'll be just out the door, rinse off and get dressed as best you can and I'll get Andy to bandage you up; like you said he'll know anyway and he does a better job than I do." I sighed as he walked out shutting the door behind him, I flung my clothes over the side of the bath and gently stood up, pain soaring through my thigh and palm, I groaned letting the water wash over me taking the droplets of crimson with it. Once I was sure everything was alright I turned off the taps with my left hand which was struggling because it was the less dominant of the two. I tried my best to steady myself as I got dressed, my throat burning when I called out to Bradie, instead Andy burst through the door and I felt a tremendous wave of guilt wash over me.  
>"Why?" I shrugged,<br>"I don't know why, because it was so easy mainly, at least that's what I told myself,"

Andy's P.O.V

His eyes had practically glassed over, he'd put the blade on the side of the sink, blood still tainting it's edges, the huge gash in his right palm was terrifying though. I pulled the bandage out from the cupboard and Bradie walked in with the scissors, Shaun had gone all quiet and mute except for a few deep breaths in agony every now and then, especially with his hand. I picked up his blade and his head snapped up from the floor, worry painting his eyes,  
>"Do I get rid of this, or hide it, or…?" he began to try speaking but nothing would come out, I sighed heavily and slid it into the pocket of his jacket sitting on the bath edge, "Listen to me though, if you do it this bad again I will seriously consider hiding it from you okay?" he nodded and I took a hold of his undamaged hand as we walked into my room; I shared the bed with him that night. The closeness was nice, it made my heart go insane; I'd grown protective of him I truly had, the other feelings were just an added bonus.<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

Bradie's P.O.V

"Shaun hurry up, you'll be late," he sighed and rolled over on the lounge so he was facing me,  
>"I'm not going," I rolled my eyes and grabbed his wrist attempting to pull him off the lounge yet failing miserably,<br>"Yes you are, you didn't go at all last week, if you miss too much you can't graduate. Plus that music assignments due today," his brow creased at the mention of an assignment he obviously couldn't recall, "The one where you write your own song and show the class doofus," he groaned and stood up heading towards the bedroom, "What're you doing?" I called out after him as he headed up the staircase.  
>"Getting changed and fixing something up, I'll be back down soon," I sighed, at least he was coming.<p>

We finally got to school, Shaun's hand still looked pretty bad but he said he could manage; we had music first so at least all the worries about the assignment would soon be shoved away. The two of us took our usual seats up the back and Cindy soon joined us looking like she was severely lacking sleep,  
>"You okay?" I whispered and she nodded, her breaths all ragged and hands slightly shaking,<br>"Perfectly fine, absolutely fine, I… I didn't sleep until late and almost missed out coming to school," I nodded and she took her hand in mine,  
>"Okay class, today is the day your assignments are due, I will collect all your sheets therefore you cannot make any changes, we will get through who we can today and the rest during our next meeting." We all sat there quietly avoiding eye contact so that we wouldn't get picked first, my eyes ventured over to Shaun who was sitting there with his laptop open, why did he even have it out? The mark on his palm was slightly healed but still then it would easily attract attention; <em>he'll probably jig PE and Science<em>. "Any volunteers?"  
>"Yeah I'll go," the whole room turned in shock right at Shaun,<br>"What're you doing?" I whispered angrily towards him,  
>"Getting it over and done with duh," he pushed his chair back and got up with his laptop in hand,<br>"But Shaun… your—"  
>"It's fine," I groaned as he walked to the front of the room, "Do you have any speakers I could use sir?" the class was judging him, Cindy and I could tell. There were snickers around the room and people pointing at his bandaged hand; the teacher gave him a weird stare and brought out the chord so Shaun could wire up the laptop,<br>"Would you care to explain what you're doing Mr Diviney?" he flashed a cheesy grin at Sir before showing it to the whole class,  
>"Well, I had a bit of an accident right?" He showed everyone the cut on his hand bound up with bandage, it was as if he'd had a sudden confidence boost, I hadn't seen him this proud in years. "So I thought to myself that I'd record the song, because obviously I can't play guitar if my hand is bad can I? So uh… here it is." He pressed the play button and cranked up the volume as the starting bars came in, soft piano chords building up before the first line of vocals. My forehead creased and I looked over at Shaun who winked at me before silently laughing,<br>"That's not—"  
>"I know," I cut Cindy off with a small whisper, that wasn't Shaun's voice at all, it was Andrew's, yet the class had no idea, Shaun barely spoke to them let alone sing in front of them in order for them to tell. His voice didn't come in until the chorus, the song was 'Back of My Head', he'd played it to me once before. The final notes came to a close and there was a faint clapping as he unplugged the laptop,<br>"Great work Shaun; full marks, next?" the whole class went back to the usual chatter making it hard for the teacher to get everyone's full attention yet again,  
>"Great job Shaun, I didn't know you or Andy could sing so well," he shrugged taking his seat beside me,<br>"There's a lot people don't know here, you probably know a lot more than some though."

Shaun's P.O.V

I must admit, I was rather proud of myself, maybe it was because I was acting so cheerful? It was rare for me to be this upbeat and happy; I think Bradie had already noticed because he kept giving me strange glares every so often. I slipped my earphone up my jumper sleeve and rested my ear against my palm, the earphone nice within listening range to The Black Parade album. The rest of the songs performed were highly boring to me, the same things from guys again and again about fucking chicks and getting drunk, the same thing from girls again and again about falling in and out of love and boys; it was almost as if I was the only one with a little originality in my veins. I was highly curious as to what Cindy and Bradie had written, Bradie probably wrote something about Spiderman or did some techno remix, Cindy though, I had no idea; maybe that was why he and I were so blown away. The task was to write your own song, but Sir explained that due to personal issues she was performing a cover… a cover of 'Terrible Things' by Mayday Parade, her eyes locked onto Bradie as she sang; her voice quivered slightly and I could see her eyes beginning to water.  
>"<em>Now son I'm only telling you this because life, can do terrible things,<em>" her voice cracked at the end and she stood up leaving the piano and running out the door, the class fell silent. Cindy Parker, the most popular girl in our year during the start had run out of the room crying. Bradie went to ask permission to after her and Sir nodded before he got the chance to speak, Bradie ran down the hallway and I was left sitting there feeling awkward, I wasn't going to ask permission to leave; Cindy and I barely knew each other, well I barely knew her, she'd found out all my stuff by accident.

Cindy's P.O.V

I couldn't believe myself, I hated myself at that very moment; _you broke down; at school; in front of everyone_, well not technically everyone, but enough people to make me feel even more like shit.  
>"Cindy!" my head snapped up and I could just see Bradie through my tears, "Hey sh, sh, it's okay, I'm here," he sat down next to me and brushed my hair off my face simultaneously wiping away my tears. "Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head and rested it onto his chest, "You going to be okay?" I nodded; faint tears still rolling down my face, "What did Sir mean 'personal things'?" I sighed knowing he'd ask eventually,<br>"I'll tell you one day I promise, when I come to your house with tears down my face and a backpack of clothes to last me a week I'll tell you," he didn't respond but instead pulled me into him closer, the two of us sitting there against the cold walls of A block just down the hall from the music room.

The bell rang harshly signalling the next period, I had science as did most of the year, Shaun having P.E instead, I walked into the classroom, my hands slightly shaking from crying before; luckily my emotions had settled and my face wasn't as red anymore, I needed to breathe, Beau came and sat next to me,  
>"You alright?" I nodded slightly and he smiled pulling out his books, "Is Shaun here today?" I chuckled quietly and nodded yet again,<br>"You care so much," he shrugged,  
>"You'd care if you knew his problems,"<br>"I do." He looked over at me confused, "Bradie kind of told me not to mention I could tell, he lets loose at home and when I was there you could see all his scars and how Andy has such a protective hold over him. How'd you find out?" he stiffened a little and let out a ragged sigh,  
>"Well, I was on the way home with dinner for me and Jay and walked past the park a few streets away, you know the one nicknamed sex park?" I laughed at little at the memory, my group of friends nicknamed it that after a power walking session with school, Josie told us how people apparently fucked there at night so that's what we called it, "Well I walked past it and I saw this guy with a blade in his arm and blood on himself; then I realised… it was Shaun," his voice was a shaky whisper and I couldn't blame him, he'd found out pretty full on, "That was last week, he hadn't come to school and naturally I worried,"<br>"Wait… you said on his arm right?" he nodded at my query and hummed perplexed,  
>"Why?"<br>"Because he has a bandage on his hand but not his arm, there's a scar because I could see the edge of it but he had all this stuff wrapped on his palm,"  
>"He's done it again," Beau whispered and I shrugged,<br>"It's not really our place to judge, we're friends; I don't even know if he considers you that. To him Bradie is like a brother and Andy is his boyfriend, we don't really get a say in it," Beau sighed and nodded slightly in agreement and we began our work for that lesson.

Shaun's P.O.V

I almost leapt out of my seat in joy as the bell rang for recess,  
>"Praise the mother fucking lord," I muttered as I walked over to the side of B block, a nice little quiet spot it was, people walked past me but no one cared enough to dob me in for being out of bounds or care as to why I was. I saw a shadow on the ground and smirked having a good feeling who it was, "Hello Beau," I heard him chuckled and move to sit in front of me,<br>"Good to see you back Shaun," I half smiled and tugged down further on my sleeves, "What're you hiding? Its okay, it's hot you should pull your sleeves up, no one is looking." He was telling the truth, no one _was_ looking and it happened to be one of those warm winter days. I pushed them up to my elbows and raised an eyebrow at him,  
>"What about you? Yours are pretty far down," he shifted uncomfortably and pushed up the left side,<br>"There," I shook my head and he chewed his lip before pushing the right side up, now I knew why he probably cared about me so much. A purple scar ran across his right wrist, it was strange to see it on him, "Please don't look at it," I tore my eyes away knowing how uncomfortable it was to have someone stare at your scars, "It was stupid, I wanted to know what it felt like, I had a fight with my parents and was curious, I regret it." I nodded and put a hand over his,  
>"It's alright, I won't tell anyone, I promise." He smiled and leant forward giving me a gentle hug, it felt strange to say the least,<br>"Thank-you," I shrugged and he sat up,  
>"You saved my life, I owe you more; look Andy's planning this party for me this weekend, how about you come along? It'll only be small I guarantee it," he nodded and grinned like a little kid. Oh how amusing it was to see someone other than Andy act like this, maybe I could get used to having Beau as a friend; it was just strange, no one had really taken an interest in my life after I turned fifteen, I'd already gained Bradie and Andy by then, maybe the future was brighter than I thought.<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

"So we have how many drinks?" I queried as Andy began pulling out the boxes and placing them on the bench,  
>"Enough," I rolled my eyes and he gave me a cheeky smile, "There's five of us, we will have enough Shaun, breathe, it's your party; relax okay?" I nodded and sighed as the doorbell rang; Bradie ran down the stairs faster than humanly possible, "Guess that means Cindy's here," the two of us chuckled as they walked over to us,<br>"You two already have drinks out?" she asked taking a hold of one and cracking it open, "I'm not complaining," she looked nice, for a girl, if I was straight I might have considered her; she had black skinny leg jeans, a black tight crop top topped with cropped floral shirt, judging by all that obviously her stomach was showing, Bradie seemed rather pleased with himself, the goofy grin being the cherry on top.  
>"Well, we might go get changed yes Andrew?" I smirked at him and he nodded, Bradie had already changed into a Spiderman shirt and black jeans. Andy pulled out his Himynameis singlet and black ripped jeans; I slipped on my Astroboy shirt, I already had on the jeans I wanted. There was another ringing of the doorbell; I was momentarily confused and then realised I'd invited Beau, Andy looked over at me laughing,<br>"You forgot Beau was coming didn't you?" I nodded and smiled,  
>"I'm out of it okay? I always am, it's my natural state." The both of us headed back down the stairs and Bradie had already let Beau inside, he donned one or two wristbands on his right wrist and smiled upon my notice of them, "You can take them off, we won't judge you, but it's up to you," he shrugged awkwardly and slowly slid the thickest one off, a black on with Simple Plan written on it; he slid it into the pocket of his grey skinny leg jeans, pulling the edge of his maroon 'Darling I Got a Dark Side' singlet down to hook over it.<br>"Thanks for understanding and inviting me Shaun," I shrugged and Andrew handed him a drink,  
>"It's fine Beau, seriously," Andy dialled Dominoes and got them to deliver three or four pizzas which would arrive around about eight o'clock.<p>

I'd already downed two or three drinks, Andy around the same, we were all about the same except for Cindy; being a girl and all. She didn't take that too lightly when I told her that, 'Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't keep up with the boys drinking habits'. Bradie didn't hold anything nearly as well as the rest of us, including Cindy; she was doing better than him. "Oi, Andy, where the fuck is the pizza?"  
>"It's only seven forty-five Shaun!" Our voices were louder than they normally were but it was only the five of us at home so it didn't matter.<br>"Should still be here,"  
>"Be patient you fuck," my gaze snapped over to Cindy who was perched on Bradie's lap looking rather comfortable, she began twirling some of Bradie's longer hair around her finger and you could tell she didn't hold her liquor as well as she made out,<br>"You're such a girl deep down, look at you, you're tipsy," she scowled at me in response and Beau started laughing, he'd barely made any noise so far tonight; _probably feels out of place_,  
>"Come on Cindy, you know it's true, right Shaun?" he looked over at me and I nodded comically, Andy laughing so hard over my actions,<br>"OH MY GOD, I should get the glow sticks," I turned to look at Andrew and nodded,  
>"Do it, do we have enough?" He got up and shrugged,<br>"Come help me get them," I followed him down the hallway and came to a set of stairs,  
>"Since when did you have stairs here and a basement?"<br>"Since like, forever, have I never brought you down here?" I shook my head as he turned the lock; the click radiating in the air around us, "There's a light switch somewhere, or a lighter, I don't know; I've only ever come down here drunk," I chuckled and spotted a lighter on the table near the door,  
>"It's here," I alerted him and flicked the lid igniting the flame, "You come here often then, you drunken hobo," he short me a dirty glare made visible by the small orange flame, "Why is there a lighter anyway," he pointed over towards an old looking lantern thing,<br>"To light that, we barely use down here, it's mainly storage but I like to think of it as my own little hideaway," I nodded and bent the flame down to the wick of the candle,  
>"Well it suddenly got brighter in here," he nodded and began rummaging through boxes,<br>"Reckon Bradie and Cindy will do it tonight?" I heard him question, his head deep in a box,  
>"Most likely, Bradie can't hold a drink for shit, he's only had like, one and half, she's had about two; if they get drunk enough we can kind of make them." He began laughing and stood up straight, two tubes filled with glow sticks in his hand,<br>"What about us?" I rolled my eyes,  
>"Make out, maybe, fuck, hell no. We're not doing that yet Andrew, only when I'm ready,"<br>"You dream about me though," he smirked and started walking back to the door,  
>"Wait, what!" he chuckled as I ran up to meet him, blowing out the candle on the way,<br>"I've heard you murmur my name once or twice in your sleep, I asked Bradie if you'd done it before and he said he barely remembered but you'd wake up with your hand down your pants," I snickered,  
>"Lies and slander Clemmensen, I would never do that," he winked at me and took my hand in his free one,<br>"That's what they all say," I felt my cheeks burn a little and looked down at my shoes for the rest of the walk back to the main room,  
>"You're disgusting," I whispered taking one of the tubes off him and jumping onto my original spot on the one seater lounge, Andy sitting on my lap, "Really, like what are you? A cat?"<br>"BRADIE'S THE CAT, NOT ANDY!" Cindy shouted, both her and Bradie squished into the same spot, Beau comfortably with his feet up on the three person lounge  
>"Whatever, who wants glow sticks?" Andy enquired throwing a whole bunch over to the three of them, I leant up gently kissing his neck, "I thought you said no sex," I sighed and kissed him again,<br>"I said no sex, I didn't say no making out,"  
>"Faggot," I looked over to Beau raising an eyebrow, "I'm kidding, I'm not Leon or Geoff, I don't hate you for being gay dumbass, I accept it; just don't start making out in front of us, three out of the five here are straight," I smirked and turned Andy's face to mine placing my lips on his, I heard him sigh and his tongue run along my bottom lip, I allowed him entrance and he spun around so he was straddling me properly; our tongues engaged in battle, both our eyes shut tight. I felt glow sticks being throw my way and we broke apart laughing,<br>"Get a room," Bradie spoke up, Cindy hugging into his side like Andy was on me before,  
>"We do, everyone is in it, or would you rather us have your room little brother?" Andy was still facing me as he spoke, his hands firmly on my hips to hold himself up,<br>"Stop poking me," he smiled and rocked back and forth a little,  
>"You're poking me too dick," I lifted my leg up making him topple over to the side,<br>"And that's what you get for making false claims that I have a boner," I started cracking glow sticks and putting them up my arms, Cindy had a few already as did Bradie, Beau made some into a head dress and worse it like a crown, a round part up the top and chains running down one each side, it was fun, the most fun I'd had in a while, other than with just Andrew of course; but it was nice, really nice.


	27. Chapter 27

Bradie's P.O.V

"Cindy come here," she put down the slice of pizza she'd picked up, the lights were off and our glow sticks had all dulled a little bit,  
>"Yes Bradiekins," she sat facing me on my waist and I cracked three glow sticks and connected two of them leaving the third link open for that moment, "What're you doing?" I ran them around the bare part of her stomach and connected them at the front before leaning up to gently kiss her lips,<br>"That," she smiled and collapsed onto my chest, "You having fun tonight?" she nodded, her hair rubbing against my shirt,  
>"More than I thought, no offence, I just… I expected it to be a lot different. Shaun looks happy," my gaze drifted towards him and Andy the two of them with their own box of pizza sitting over in the corner of the room, my eyes followed the line of glow sticks and I smiled at the fact they were holding hands,<br>"Where's Beau?" she sat up a bit and looked around,  
>"I… I don't know," her brow creased as she spoke, we heard the toilet flush and nodded,<br>"There obviously, probably can't hold alcohol," she laughed and her lips grazed my cheek,  
>"Either can you, you've had what? Four drinks, dude I've had more than you,"<br>"Shaun and Andy have had the most," she nodded,  
>"True, like Shaun's had… I don't know, I can't even count them, I lost count at seven." The two of us laughed and we saw Beau came back down the stairs,<br>"Wow, I need a girlfriend," I laughed at him and he did the same back, "It's true, I'm the only single person here!"  
>"Maybe you'll get someone, Cindy could hook you up with one of her ex friends,"<br>"Lisa had a _massive_ crush on you at the start of the year," his eyes lit up at her words,  
>"See, problem solved," he shook his head and fell back onto the large lounge,<br>"Nah, not really; I want to find someone myself, one day though. At least that's what I get told," I shrugged,  
>"Shaun got told the same thing you know," Beau looked over at me as I spoke, "He got told he wouldn't get anyone at first, people at school always said that to him, Andy had a girlfriend once but we all know how that must have worked out, Shaun and I didn't get anyone. I wasn't too fussed I knew the day would come eventually but Shaun didn't think so. That was what partially started all his mental mess, he was convinced he wasn't good enough; what his parents told him in relation to his work didn't help much either. Looking back now I notice it all and wonder how I couldn't have in the first place," Cindy gently kissed my lips and the end of what I'd said and I saw Beau smiling,<br>"What matters is he has all of us and Andy now though, and that's entirely off the original topic, one day I probably will get someone. I just want it to take too long," I nodded and Cindy got up stretching her arms above her head groaning,  
>"Someone a little tired?" she shook her head and continued to stretch and crack her bones,<br>"Just a bit stiff, I don't get tired until like three in the morning most nights, I have such a fucked up sleep pattern," I chuckled slightly and she smiled in response, "I might go lay down though, my head hurts a little; where am I sleeping tonight?" she smirked and I got up taking her by the wrist,  
>"I will show you miss Parker, " the two of us walked up the stairs and into my room,<br>"On the floor am I?" I shook my head and pushed her down onto the bed,  
>"There you go," I grinned like a little kid and started to leave, I felt her grip onto me to try and stop me,<br>"Don't go back down there just yet, stay with me for a little while, please?" I sighed and sat down next to her, honestly how could I resist?

Shaun's P.O.V

"This pizzas getting cold," I murmured keeping my hold on Andy's hand, it felt comfortable in his, he rolled his eyes,  
>"Heat it up faggot," I shook my head, "Too lazy?" I nodded and he smiled leaning in to place his lips on mine gently,<br>"Where'd your brother get to, his girlfriend too," a smirk creased his face and we both started laughing, "I bet they're fucking,"  
>"Let's bust them eh?" the two of us chuckled and got up hand in hand, the lights were off in Bradie's room and we both donned a dirty grin, I kicked my leg forward pushing the door further ajar,<br>"OI I HOPE YOU'RE USING A CONDOM BRO!" All the movement in front of us stopped and silence fell over us all,  
>"Andrew, Shaun, get out,"<br>"Why? Did we interrupt your sex tape?" I laughed at my own statement and who we guessed was Bradie leant over and turned on the light beside the bed,  
>"See? We're clothed, not tired and not a mess, clearly we were neither fucking nor making out," Andy comically pouted and I rolled my eyes,<br>"Who were we kidding, you're _Bradie_, you'd never fuck a girl," Cindy's eyes narrowed towards me and I smirked, if I was straight and any more drunk I probably would have tried to hit on her but I don't know, I was mildly drunk, but seeing as I was still holding hands with Andy I didn't care,  
>"So um… on a completely different topic, do we still have Oreos?" Andy gasped beside me at Bradie's question,<br>"Oreo truth or dare, two people twist the Oreo whoever has the least cream gets either a question or a dare," I was surprised to say the least, he rarely came up with good ideas,  
>"Okay deal, but seeing as it's your idea Andy you have to twist an Oreo first, and wake Beau up," we all laughed and went back downstairs, I leapt onto the lounge jolting Beau awake which consequently caused him to let out a girlish scream,<br>"Oh my god, Shaun you fucking cunt!" I started laughing and Beau glared at me evilly,  
>"Beau calm down, I needed to wake you up somehow; this seemed the easiest way," he rolled his eyes and Andy came back into the room with a silver roll of Oreos,<br>"LET'S GET THIS GAME STARTED!" He rejoiced, Cindy took her spot with Bradie back on the small lounge perched up on his lap. He pulled out one and came towards me with a sly grin on his face, "Twist it Shaun, twist it," I rolled my eyes and took a hold of the Oreo, "One, two, three!" we both flicked our wrists, majority of the cream staying on my side,  
>"Fuck yeah! Okay Andy, truth or dare?" he snicker and popped the biscuit into his mouth lowering himself to the floor,<br>"Fuck truth, just do dares," Beau chuckled beside me and I turned to him raising an eyebrow,  
>"I dare you to… I really want to say make out with Shaun but that is <em>way<em> too easy, Cindy come up with something," all eyes darted over to her yet her mouth was locked onto Bradie's, "CINDY!' She snapped back from him and her cheeks flushed a bright red we could all see due to having the lights on now,  
>"S-Sorry, um… I have no idea, I suck at dares! I'm better with truth questions," Andy groaned and let his head fall back against the wall,<br>"Fine, give me questions then,"  
>"Have you ever jacked off whilst thinking about Shaun?" she quickly blurted out and everyone started laughing except me, I smirked at him and he did the same back, "Well Andrew?" he kept his eyes on mine and shrugged,<br>"Once or twice, pretty sure he's done it over me more than that," I scoffed at his answer,  
>"You fucking wish," he chuckled and threw me the tube, "So who wants to split with me? Cindy," she looked over at me and blinked, I got up and walked towards her, an Oreo in my hand, "Twist it, let's hope that the cream is on your side because I have some good things up my sleeve for you," she smiled and turned around on Bradie's lap, his arms around her waist to keep her still, she took a hold of it and twisted once again the result being a victory for me, "God damn I love Oreos," she pouted and ate her side, "Okay Cindy, truth or dare?"<br>"What does it matter, truth though," I pondered the possible questions I could ask and a wry grin came over my face,  
>"Who do you reckon would give a better fuck out of Andy and Bradie?" she choked on what was left in her mouth and Bradie gave me an annoyed glance before kissing her neck gently, "Answer it," she sighed and relaxed back into him,<br>"Bradie would be gentler but Andy would go at it longer I would presume, he's a lot more easily turned on I would believe, now give me a fucking Oreo you faggot," I gasped dramatically and handed her the roll,  
>"I take offence the that, Andy should too,"<br>"I do take offence to that actually, Shaun come over here," I strode over to him and sat down on his lap feeling something hard pressing into my leg,  
>"You horny bastard," he shrugged,<br>"After Cindy's question I started thinking about it again, naturally I would be," I smiled and wrapt my arms around him, his lip went up to brush my jaw,  
>"Hey, not now; Cindy's watching us closely," he chuckled and kissed me again, I pushed him back and he smiled like a little kid, "Stop it,"<br>"Beau's turn," Andy and I looked at her confused, "You two were sucking face whilst I answered my question," Andy groaned,  
>"We were not 'sucking face', Shaun denied me of any pleasure I wished to obtain," she ignored him as she gave an Oreo to Beau,<br>"I want the whole thing so I can't be bothered twisting, hit me with whatever," he slurred as he bit down onto it,  
>"Fuck, marry, kill, Leon, Geoff and Shaun," I grabbed the thing closest to me, which turned out to be an empty glow stick tube, and threw it in her direction, "IT'S A GOOD QUESTION!" Cindy protested; ducking out of the way of the oncoming object.<br>"Marry Geoff, kill Leon, fuck Shaun,"  
>"Interesting answers Beau, why's that?" Bradie spoke for what seemed like only the second time for that night,<br>"Because if I were gay I would go more for Geoff than Leon, and when it comes to fucking Shaun, I don't know, I just chose him,"  
>"Because I'm sexier than Geoff," I mumbled and turned around on Andy so that his hard on was now pressing into my back, he groaned wanting to get rid of it and I chuckled, "I'm still not making out with you,"<br>"Please," he murmured and I shook my head,  
>"Not now, I told you that, BRADIE'S TURN!"<p> 


	28. Note from Sway

**Hello,**

****It is with a heavy heart I deliver this message but I have decided to discontinue this fic.

A lot has occurred in my life recently and seeing as this fic was heavily based on my personal life I can no longer continue it. Friendships have been torn, thinks have shifted and so much more that I just won't explain.

I had the storyline set out for the ending of this story however, so if you wish to know the ending PM me and I'll let you know.

Yours Sincerely, **Sway x**


	29. Chapter 28

I awoke the next morning in a daze; I was sharing a bed with Andy, what the hell? Since when would Mum and Dad ever let Andy sleep over? If Dad saw the two of us sharing a bed he'd have a fit,  
>"Shaun relax, stop being so tense," he mumbled, his face buried in the pillow, "I should seriously stop you being able to drink so much, it wipes your head for the first few minutes the morning after," my brow furrowed at his words, what on Earth did he mean? I looked around and noticed I was in his lounge room in some makeshift bed; I slammed my head back into the pillow, "See what I mean?" I groaned and rolled over wrapping my arms around his waist,<br>"Yes, stop me drinking so much, it feels horrid." He twisted his neck and gave me a small kiss,  
>"Hey Shaun guess what?" I shrugged and moved in closer to him,<br>"No fucking idea, I'm hung over and half asleep, I need coffee," he chuckled,  
>"You sound like Gerard Way, you're eighteen now silly," I smiled and let my eyes close up again, "You also seem really fucking tired, I'm guessing that's the most you've ever drunk,"<br>"Yes." I responded bluntly and felt him put his arm around me,  
>"Sleep Shaun, I'll wake you up later."<p>

Andy's P.O.V

Shaun slept quietly beside me, Bradie had taken Cindy home earlier and Beau had left with them so it was just us two. I was tempted to turn on the TV but that would require me having to stand up to get the remote and in turn disturbing Shaun, so I sat there, listening to Shaun sleep, which eventually caused me to grow tired, the house was so quiet that it just added to it all and I felt my eyes grow heavy and fall shut.  
>"Andy! Andy please come help," my eyes snapped open and I was in my room, it was dark already, how long had I been sleeping for? "Andrew, please," what did Bradie even want my help for? <em>Probably nothing important<em>, "Quick Andrew, Shaun needs help; he's locked himself in the bathroom," _yeah, nothing important, you fucking idiot Andrew_. I got up and ran down the hallway pushing Bradie away from the door,  
>"SHAUN, SHAUN OPEN THE FUCK UP!" there was a clattering of metal and the small key slipped out from under the door, with shaking hands I rushed to unlock it and froze on my spot, it was as if my feet were concreted to the ground by what I saw,<br>"Andrew it'd be better if you left," I shook my head and swallowed hard, my own saliva like a dry lump in my throat. Red; so much red, a deep crimson painted his arms, his jeans, the tiled floor,  
>"No," my voice was a tiny whisper as I stepped around the blood, Shaun's blood, and sat next to him, "I'm not going to leave you, you can't make me, I'm not losing you," his breathing was shallow and my heart racing a million miles a second,<br>"Andy," tears had started running down my face subconsciously, he lifted his arm weakly to wipe them off my face, "Andy, I want this, it's better if I go," I shook my head fiercely and pulled him into me,  
>"No, no it's not, I'm not fucking losing you, we've been through so much together, I love you. I'll call an ambulance, you'll get better, I promise," he shook his head,<br>"If you love me you'll let me go, if what you say is true you'll let me have what I believe is best for me, death." My heart felt like it had been torn apart when those words left his mouth, I wasn't letting him go, "Please, I'm asking you to let me be, you'll be better without me, everyone always is,"  
>"NO," he jumped a bit at the harshness and volume of my voice, "I don't want to let you go,"<br>"Please, please Andy…" his breathing was slowing more as the blood kept coming from along his arm, he'd reopened all his old cuts and dug it in deeper, "Andy…" I tore my gaze away from the scarlet patterns covering his forearm and into his eyes, they were fading more and more each second, "I… I love you," he let out and fell onto my chest, I was frozen in shock, no…  
>"NO, SHAUN!" I shook his body around trying to bring him back, "Shaun!" I sprang up from my spot on the lounge, Shaun looking at me strangely, "Shaun thank fuck you're okay," he rose an eyebrow at me,<br>"Of course I'm okay… I've been on this lounge like all day, remember? We made it into a bed…" I felt my breathing return to a normal rate, "You alright?"  
>"No, I mean yes, I mean… I had a dream, that… that you died," he let out a small laugh and leant against me,<br>"I wouldn't do that to you, well not for a while, I mean, I'm perfect at the moment, I think, but I wouldn't do that, don't stress." His words seemed forced and hollow, it seemed more so like he was trying to convince himself more than me.  
>"Good, because I hated it and it felt <em>way<em> too real for my liking," he took a hold of my hand and kissed my cheek,  
>"I won't."<p>

Shaun's P.O.V

I guess it was terrible of me, lying to Andy over something so serious, but I had to. There was no wayI could tell him the truth. He had a dream about me killing myself, I had to try and seem composed just to help him along, I couldn't let him know that I wasn't getting better, I highly doubted I ever would. We sat there for a moment as he tried to calm himself, once he was sure that I wasn't going to run off and kill myself we got up and got changed. My clothes smelt of alcohol as did his, I didn't really feel like doing anything at all for the whole day except laze around and watch my favourite movies, Andy seemed to agree that was a good idea; then again he could just be trying to keep me satisfied. "Choose, 'Nightmare Before Christmas' or 'Donnie Darko' first?" he shrugged,  
>"You'll end up watching both regardless," I nodded and put in one of the discs leaving him in suspense as to which I had chosen even though it was obvious once it began, "How did I know you'd choose this first?" I smiled as the image of Jack appeared on the screen,<br>"Because I'm pretty obvious most likely," he chuckled and I leant against him, there was a pit of guilt in my stomach and I tried to ignore. Would Andy seriously be that bad if I died? _Clearly you idiot_, I noticed a bottle sitting on the table, I picked it up not even knowing if it was mine, I just didn't want to think about any of that shit right now as I drank the half that was left,  
>"Shaun… why'd you do that?"<br>"To shut my head up," he looked at me worriedly and I cracked a cheeky smile, "I'm alright Andrew don't worry," he smiled briefly and I relaxed my senses, he was going to be watching me closely for the next few days, possibly weeks even. I'd have to be brave; at least for him.

I sat at the back of my room with my headphone up my sleeve, Green Day's 'American Idiot' album playing loud enough for me to hear, this class was filled with idiots, not including Bradie and I of course. I snapped out of my daydreaming as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and slid it out to check,  
><strong>you're amazing, just reminding you, stay smiling :)<strong> It was Andrew, naturally, I shook my head laughing quietly and texted him back before putting my phone back away.  
><strong>Shut up, I am not, you know that. Have a good day you faggot x<strong>  
>"Stop texting your boyfriend and keep working Divi-faggot," I snapped my head over to the voice, just another mindless idiot in class, I sighed and went back to what we were studying, fuck it was boring. I wanted to kill most of the class really, kill most of the school; Bradie was drawing Spiderman in his book instead of doing actual work, I on the other hand let my thoughts take over. Bad move simply; you'd think I would have learnt over time to stop letting them take over. I gazed around the room, I truly hated almost everyone in the room, I imagined stabbing them and mutilating them, strangling them with my bare hands, wrapping ropes around their necks and pushing them off chairs causing their necks to brake. A smirk grazed my complexion and Bradie waved his hand in front of my face,<br>"What're you thinking of?" I blinked rapidly and shook my head,  
>"Homicide," he made a grunt sort of noise and laughed,<br>"Why does that not surprise me?" he laughed as well and I smiled,  
>"Because it's a well known fact I pretty much hate everyone and everything?" the two of us lulled into a silence after that, but it wasn't one of those awkward silences, hell no. It was comfortable; it helped me to pull through the rest of that period. The next one was a completely different ball park, Bradie wasn't there to say the least, nor was Beau.<br>"Shaun! Take off that jumper now, no one else is wearing one and you look ridiculous, you're probably over heating!" The teacher was right, I was overheating, it was P.E in a fucking hall with all the heaters on; how could I _not _be overheating? But I couldn't take my jumper off, I wouldn't, what was she going to do about it anyway?  
>"Miss he can't take it off," I heard Leon's voice cut through the noise of the class and a sickness wallow in my stomach, "He would then have all his emo body art on display for us to see." He was close to me, only a few steps away, I reached around for whatever I could find, I couldn't give two fucks what I grabbed. A basketball, okay sure, it was probably better because of my shit aim anyway. Using as much strength as I could muster I threw the ball in his direction and landing it right in his stomach, a triumphant grin adorning my face, "You little fucking shit!" He walked over to me clearly infuriated, "What the fuck was that for?" He questioned almost spitting on my face. I shrugged not bothered to waste any air on him, "If you ever do anything like that again I'll punch you into the fucking ground, got it?" I didn't respond physically or verbally, there was no point. Leon made his decision whether I understood him or not, I tried not to laugh though. Tried so hard, biting on the inside of my mouth even. It was just so amusing how easily I could get him riled up.<p>

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><p><strong>AN I know I said this was over. I _know_ I did. But I guess... maybe... it isn't... maybe updates will just be slow. Maybe. Sorry for my indecisiveness**


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